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INCREASE ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOUR, REASONS AND HOW TO FIX ?

INCREASE ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOUR, REASONS AND HOW TO FIX? BwBwX
Human being reached almost 21. century, nevertheless civilization is degrading. Neither respecting eachother nor communication is getting important nowadays. The fact that communication has become easier after the evolution of communication devices. With this new technology you can reach thousands of peoples, friends even no friends. You can share your video, you can share your idea, your private life, political sight, even your meal on social media. After the social medias evolution, peoples are starts to get tailor of this life. Social media addicts started to live for social media. Can you imagine that you are eating, drinking, travelling just for sharing on social media. This is exist. Some people took this addiction one step further. For instance famous families such as Kardashian family, sharing their lifes seven days 24 hours by webcam. and peoples has broken record on reality show rating. On the other hand while we are reaching thounds of people, we are also getting to far ourselves and our society. For instance when you see your neighbour on the door you are not greetings eachother, when you see fighting people on the street just taking a videos, when you see people that she is injured and lay down on ground people just taking photo. This kind of situations are evidence for antisocialism. In conclusion our social life and conversation eachother is getting worse level because of the developing communication technologies. From my point of view, we should stop to use technologies. nevertheless nobodies will stop it, at least we should make technology and social media fasting. These are kind of solution for antisocial behaviour. People has to try it to turn back to humanism.
Human
being reached
almost 21.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
century
,
nevertheless
civilization is degrading. Neither respecting
Possible spelling mistake found.
eachother
nor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
nowadays. The fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
has become easier after the evolution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
devices. With this new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
you can reach thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
, friends even no friends. You can share your video, you can share your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, your private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, political sight, even your meal on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. After the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medias
evolution,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tailor of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
addicts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. Can you imagine that you are eating, drinking, travelling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for sharing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. This is
Consider using a past participle here: "existed".
exist
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
took this addiction one step
further
.
For instance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
families such as Kardashian family, sharing their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
seven days 24 hours by webcam.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
has broken record on reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
rating.
On the other hand
while we are reaching
Possible spelling mistake found.
thounds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, we are
also
getting to far ourselves and our society.
For instance
when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
your
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
on the door you are not greetings
Possible spelling mistake found.
eachother
, when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
fighting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the street
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
taking
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a video" or simply "videos"?
a videos
, when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that she
is injured
and lay down on ground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
taking photo. This kind of situations are evidence for
Possible spelling mistake found.
antisocialism
.
In conclusion
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and conversation
Possible spelling mistake found.
eachother
is getting worse level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. From my point of view, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
nevertheless
nobodies will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
it, at least we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
fasting. These are kind of solution for antisocial
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
to try it to turn back to humanism.
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IELTS essay INCREASE ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOUR, REASONS AND HOW TO FIX?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
277 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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