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In your opinion, which is more beneficial for children: playing sports or studying a foreign language? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

In your opinion, which is more beneficial for children: playing sports or studying a foreign language? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. ORakN
It is undoubted that playing sports and picking up a foreign language bring many benefits for children in various aspects. From my point of view, choosing a language to learn is more beneficial for kids. In this essay, I will discuss several compelling reasons to shed light on my viewpoint. First of all, learning a novel language can help children a lot in development their language ability and other indispensable skills in later stages of life. Children are prone to learning a new language faster and easier at an early age compared to grown-ups or seniors. Therefore, parents should take advantage of their golden time to give them chances to exposure to new languages when they are still young. Doing this would help children develop their language capability and other important skills, including creative thinking, problem solving and interpersonal skills. Those benefits play an essential role in helping them become high achievers hereafter. Another vital reason is that children who learn a foreign language tend to have more job opportunities when they grow up. In the modern age of globalization, more and more companies are seeking employees that speak more than one language. In other words, those who can communicate across borders and able to use a foreign language proficiently in some specific products and services, such as legal, medical, technical, and scientific fields can easily find a job in the labour market. Furthermore, employees who speak more than one language are often paid significantly more than their monolingual counterparts. In conclusion, although playing sports plays an indisputably important role in children’s physical health, studying a foreign language brings more benefits for chidren, since it helps them become a well-rounded person with several highly valuable skills and finding an employment will not be a big issue for their future career.
It
is undoubted
that playing sports and picking up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in various aspects. From my point of view, choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to learn is more beneficial for kids. In this essay, I will discuss several compelling reasons to shed light on my viewpoint.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, learning a novel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a lot in development their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
ability and other indispensable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in later stages of life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are prone to learning a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
faster and easier at an early age compared to grown-ups or seniors.
Therefore
, parents should take advantage of their golden time to give them chances to exposure to new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
when they are
still
young. Doing this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
capability and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, including creative thinking, problem solving and interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Those benefits play an essential role in helping them become high achievers hereafter.

Another vital reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
tend to have more job opportunities when they grow up. In the modern age of globalization, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are seeking employees that speak more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
In other words
, those who can communicate across borders and able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
proficiently
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific products and services, such as legal, medical, technical, and scientific fields can
easily
find a job in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market.
Furthermore
, employees who speak more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
paid
significantly
more than their monolingual counterparts.

In conclusion
, although playing sports plays an
indisputably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
physical health, studying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
brings more benefits for
Possible spelling mistake found.
chidren
, since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them become a well-rounded person with several
highly
valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and finding an employment will not be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
issue for their future career.
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IELTS essay In your opinion, which is more beneficial for children: playing sports or studying a foreign language? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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