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In your opinion should government intervene in the rights of the individual with regard to family planning? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In your opinion should government intervene in the rights of the individual with regard to family planning? 7x33
The coronavirus pandemic has brought many challenges for the expectant couples as well as governments. The long lockdowns causes unprecedented rise of unplanned pregnancies across the globe. The world is now bracing for a baby boom and some people clamor for government intervention to control the growing population. In my opinion, government should take part of the solution to control the recent sharp increase in birth rates. For many couples, public funded family planning services helped them tremendously in accessing contraception. The governments develop family planning policies is a huge relief particularly to those at the bottom of society. For example, couples from a humble background usually have the highest fertility but posses a low birth-control use. Government policies must centers specifically on the poor who have limited knowledge of birth control. Another example is teenagers, most teenagers of today are sexually active. To protect them from acquiring sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies, authorities should intervene and provide them free access to reproductive health care services. On the other side, some public family planning programs have encountered criticisms on the areas of cultural and religious grounds. Proponents claims that slowing population growth and discouraging teenagers to have an early sex life will not necessarily equate to an economic advantage. Firstly, population growth and economic development is linked very closely. A country with low population density will experience human resources shortage. In order to keep up with economic development, these countries need to increase in population. Secondly, most religious groups opposed in the distribution of contraceptive to teenagers. Instead they supported the idea of delaying timing of first sex among teenagers by engaging in family religious activities on a daily basis. In conclusion, governments intervention for birth control will help women access to effective methods of family planning. However, this could also may lead to violates human’s basic rights to choose. For me, government funds for family planning should continue but couples must have freedom to decide on the number of children that they want
The coronavirus pandemic has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges for the expectant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
. The long lockdowns
You should probably use "cause".
causes
unprecedented rise of unplanned pregnancies across the globe.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
world is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
bracing for a baby boom and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
clamor for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
intervention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
of the solution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the recent sharp increase in birth rates.

For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
, public funded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them
tremendously
in accessing contraception. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
policies is a huge relief
particularly
to those at the bottom of society.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
from a humble background
usually
have the highest fertility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
posses a low birth-control
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
policies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
The verb 'must' requires the base form of the verb: "center"
centers
specifically
on the poor who have limited knowledge of birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
. Another example is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are
sexually
active. To protect them from acquiring
sexually
transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies, authorities should intervene and provide them free access to reproductive health care services.

On the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
programs have encountered criticisms on the areas of cultural and religious grounds.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "proponent claims".
Proponents claims
that slowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
growth and discouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to have an early sex life will not
necessarily
equate to an economic advantage.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
growth and economic development
is linked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
closely
. A country with low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
density will experience human resources shortage. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with economic development, these countries need to increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
Secondly
, most religious groups opposed in the distribution of contraceptive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Instead
they supported the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of delaying timing of
first
sex among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
by engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
religious activities on a daily basis.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
intervention for birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
women access to effective methods of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
.
However
, this could
also
may lead to violates human’s basic rights to choose. For me,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
should continue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have freedom to decide on the number of children that they
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
want
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IELTS essay In your opinion should government intervene in the rights of the individual with regard to family planning?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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