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In today’s world, kids have a sedentary lifestyle in their leisure time than previously.

In today’s world, kids have a sedentary lifestyle in their leisure time than previously. It is believed that schools need to teach some sports for youth. From my perspective, I strongly agree with this point of view and in this essay, I will give the reason. Firstly, physical activities improve their mental well-being. Some children are underweight because of too little exercises, it is not good for their health. Not only the obese children but also the malnourished should do more activities, it can help them to sweating and get fit. In addition, playing sports have the discipline to lead a healthy lifestyle. For example, schools should have a workout before break time, this can make their body has become more flexible and they can improve their stamina. On the other hand, sports help children learn self-control and how to work as a team with others. By helping their friends and sharing ideas to win, they also cultivate love and cooperation for each other. Furthermore, when playing sports, their body work harder, they are more active and their heart rate increases, which makes the exercises more beneficial. For instance, teamwork helps children to be united, develop their skills and be confident to show it. That is the reason why kids are always happy and more energetic after playing sports. In conclusion, I believe that sports must be essential in schools because of their benefit. Nonetheless, they should let their students choose the sports they are desired amongst a variety of sports, which makes them joyful to take part in.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, kids have a sedentary lifestyle in their leisure time than previously. It
is believed
that schools need to teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for youth. From my perspective, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view and in this essay, I will give the reason.

Firstly
, physical activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mental well-being.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are underweight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
exercises, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their health. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the malnourished should do more activities, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to sweating and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fit.
In addition
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have the discipline to lead a healthy lifestyle.
For example
, schools should have a workout
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
break time, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their body has become more
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
flexible and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their stamina.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn self-control and how to work as a team with others. By helping their friends and sharing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to win, they
also
cultivate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and cooperation for each other.
Furthermore
, when playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, their body work harder, they are more active and their heart rate increases, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the exercises more beneficial.
For instance
, teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
be united
, develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and be confident to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
it.
That is
the reason why kids are always happy and more energetic after playing sports.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be essential in schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their benefit. Nonetheless, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their students choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
they
are desired
amongst a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them joyful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in.
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IELTS essay In today’s world, kids have a sedentary lifestyle in their leisure time than previously.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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