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In today's world, internet is used in the tasks which were previously done in person[banking, shopping, etc..].Do advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

In today's world, internet is used in the tasks which were previously done in person[banking, shopping, etc. . ]. Do advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages? pRXO2
In digital world, internet has become more useful things that everyone needed in any situation. Compared with 10-20 years back, shopping, banking, education, business, communication and arts, these are the things that previously done in person, on the contrary, now that things get benefit from internet access. In my words, browsing pages has various advantages that comes in handy to communicate through the world most of the time. To initiate with, it is more easy to get internet access at our home for using social networking sites. As a result, every member of family are online to get benefits for shopping and education. For that, they do not have to go outside at home, it is all time-consuming, that children can learn from the web only. For example, in pandemic time students do not have to go to school for educate themselves, they only need to get digital gadgets at home. Further more, some time before people have to go bank for several things like opening new account, balance inquiry, transfer funds to relatives and for housing loan process they need to visit bank on daily basis. However, all these things are available on innovating era. To give specific example, banking application are there to connected with various banks through internet. To get information about our account such as check balance which left, easy to pay bills and communicate with bank. It is all easy to operate from home and anywhere in the world. On the flip side of it, criminal activities like cyber crime, identity theft, hacking our bank account to steal money and misleading to incorrect information about social affairs are getting increase with innovating things which we are use. Thus, criminals use the internet to do crime with various people. In the end, I will conclude that, using net, we can actually have a look at the blockchain and see evidence of what is going through the world. Children also become lethargic and obese with e-learning application that is noticeable, in spite of gazing computer screen service has more advantages than its disadvantages.
In digital world, internet has become more useful things that everyone needed in any situation. Compared with 10-20 years back, shopping, banking, education, business, communication and arts, these are the things that previously done in person,
on the contrary
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
that things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit from internet access. In my words, browsing pages has various advantages that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in handy to communicate through the world most of the time.

To initiate with, it is more easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
internet access at our home for using social networking sites.
As a result
, every member of family are online to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefits for shopping and education. For that, they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go outside at home, it is all time-consuming, that children can learn from the web
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
For example
, in pandemic time students do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to school for educate themselves, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
digital gadgets at home.

Further
more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
for several things like opening new account, balance inquiry, transfer funds to relatives and for housing loan process they need to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
on daily basis.
However
, all these things are available on innovating era. To give specific example, banking application are there
Did you mean "too"?
to
connected with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banks
through internet. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about our account such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
balance which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
, easy to pay bills and communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
. It is all easy to operate from home and anywhere in the world.

On the flip side of it, criminal activities like cyber crime, identity theft, hacking our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
account to steal money and misleading to incorrect information about social affairs are getting increase with innovating things which we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Thus
, criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet to do crime with various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I will conclude that, using net, we can actually have a look at the blockchain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
evidence of what is going through the world. Children
also
become lethargic and obese with e-learning application
that is
noticeable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
gazing computer screen service has more advantages than its disadvantages.
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IELTS essay In today's world, internet is used in the tasks which were previously done in person[banking, shopping, etc. . ]. Do advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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