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In today's society, persons do not hesitate to show their talent in public. With this, they become talented human beings

In today's society, persons do not hesitate to show their talent in public. With this, they become talented human beings Ypjn
In today's society, persons do not hesitate to show their talent in public. With this, they become talented human beings. There are such stars in Kazakhstan too. For example, Dimash Kudaibergenov, Skryptonite, etc. However, people wonder how they became popular around the world. Did someone or the state help them? Actually, the state should help young artists of our country financially. Therefore, talented young artists will be morally ready because the state, or more precisely their country, helps them and believes in them. This is why in the future our country will have a huge number of talented young artists, who will rock abroad. Others believe that artists should earn their own money and no one is obliged to pay them or help them financially. Of course, there are some artists in our country who have also been in this situation. For example, Skriptonit did not receive financial assistance from the state and became world famous. Dimash Kudaibergenov became famous in China, because in Kazakhstan they simply refused to help him financially. These examples prove that without help from the state, people can become popular artists all over the world. In conclusion, I would like to say that the government should not save money and should help young talented artists. This will help junior artists to believe in hope and build a successful career, as well as raise the global ranking of our country.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society, persons do not hesitate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talent in public. With this, they become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
human beings. There are such stars in Kazakhstan too.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dimash
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kudaibergenov
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Skryptonite
, etc.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
wonder how they became popular around the world. Did someone or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them?

Actually, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
financially
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
will be
morally
ready
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
, or more
precisely
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them and believes in them. This is why in the future our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will have a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, who will rock abroad.

Others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should earn their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money and no one
is obliged
to pay them or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them
financially
.
Of course
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
who have
also
been in this situation.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Skriptonit
did not receive financial assistance from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
and became world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dimash
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kudaibergenov
became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in China,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in Kazakhstan they
simply
refused to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
him
financially
. These examples prove that without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can become popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
all over the world.

In conclusion
, I would like to say that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not save money and should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. This will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
junior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to believe in hope and build a successful career,
as well
as raise the global ranking of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay In today's society, persons do not hesitate to show their talent in public. With this, they become talented human beings

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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