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In some countries people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development

In some countries people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development 1GGA
It is true that, in this ultra-modern era, People has to do overtime to compete with fast face of life. There are significant reason behind this. Some section of society believe that is beneficial overall, while I personally believe that it has more drawback than benefit. When we look behind this trend, to live the luxurious life in metro city is the prime reason behind this. Consequently employee and employer both have to work long hours a day to achieve hard deadline and unbeatable targets. Additionally, handsome salary make this happen to tie up employee with their hectic life in the corporate world. Moreover, people are living in nuclear family and family earning is not sufficient to meet modern life style and influence rate. This reason pull citizen toward overnight and weekend working. When we look the benefit and drawback of this trend, its negative side is large that positive. This type of extra work make huge negative effect on family life, Personal life and family life could not handle with hectic schedule of today’s fast life. Anyone could not provide quality time with their family. By this that one has to secrify with personal and social relation. It will also make convers effect of personal health and mental condition. For example, according to research of Liverpool university, 76% of metro public are living under pressure of earning load and this is the prime reason to incremental of depression and suicide cases. In conclusion, human become workaholic to compete modern life, while this disturb personal and social life which is more important, If we have not act judicially, we have to undergo with hard faceoff.
It is true that, in this ultra-modern era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
to do overtime to compete with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
face of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. There are significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
behind this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
section of society believe
that is
beneficial
overall
, while I
personally
believe that it has more drawback than benefit.

When we look behind this trend, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in metro city is the prime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
behind this.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
employee and employer both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work long hours a day to achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
deadline and unbeatable targets.
Additionally
, handsome salary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this happen to tie up employee with their hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the corporate world.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are living in nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
earning is not sufficient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style and influence rate. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
pull citizen toward overnight and weekend working.

When we look the benefit and drawback of this trend, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side is large that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
. This type of extra work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
could not handle with hectic schedule of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Anyone could not provide quality time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. By this that one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
Possible spelling mistake found.
secrify
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
and social relation. It will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible spelling mistake found.
convers
effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
health and mental condition.
For example
, according to research of Liverpool university, 76% of metro public are living under pressure of earning load and this is the prime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to incremental of depression and suicide cases.

In conclusion
, human become workaholic to compete modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, while this disturb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, If we have not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "acted".
act
judicially
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
undergo with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
Possible spelling mistake found.
faceoff
.
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IELTS essay In some countries people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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