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In this technological era, people are becoming more and more workoholic to fullfill their needs.

In this technological era, people are becoming more and more workoholic to fullfill their needs. YgGJV
In this technological era, people are becoming more and more workoholic to fullfill their needs. Hence, they prefer to work as an independent employed, instead of work for institute. Moreover, various factors can influence this choice. Also, there are certain disadvantages of being self employed. I opine that citizens should prefer to work as an independent worker. To begin with, today humankind is being materialistic, therefore he ought to work hard to survive on this compititive world. Consequently people choose to be self esteem. The first and foremost reason of doing so is dissatisfaction of salary in company. For example if person earn ten thousand per month salary in organisation, on the contrary the average expence of month is higher than income, so a person think to setup his own work. Secondly, individual earn good amount of money in job, although he would like to own a business, because some people do not tolerate under pressure work. They develop the personality to work alone. Thirdly, few people inspired by their idol to work as an independent person. On the other hand, every thing has its pros and cons. the disadvantages are as follows. To start with, new startup is not successful in every cases. Sometimes a person can get loss in product formation and marketing. For example, it needs lots of investment in marketing, advertisement and manpower management. If person fail to manage all the things, eventually that will cause harm to his business. Additionally, all responsibility comes to a single person who is known as head of business, so he can not give time to his family. To conclude, today's population prefer to own a startup rather than working in a organization. But some disadvantages are also there if person work as an independent.
In this technological era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more and more
Possible spelling mistake found.
workoholic
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullfill
their needs.
Hence
, they prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
employed,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for institute.
Moreover
, various factors can influence this choice.
Also
, there are certain disadvantages of being
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self employed
. I opine that citizens should prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
worker.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
humankind is being materialistic,
therefore
he ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to survive on this
Possible spelling mistake found.
compititive
world.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self esteem
. The
first
and foremost reason of doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
is dissatisfaction of salary in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For example
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
earn ten thousand per month salary in
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
,
on the contrary
the average
Possible spelling mistake found.
expence
of month is higher than income,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
The verb 'set up' is spelled as two words. The noun 'setup' is spelled as one.
to setup
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Secondly
, individual earn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of money in job, although he would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a business,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not tolerate under pressure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. They develop the personality to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
alone.
Thirdly
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
inspired by their idol to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
person.

On the other hand
, every thing has its pros and cons.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
disadvantages are as follows. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, new startup is not successful in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "case"?
cases
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
loss in product formation and marketing.
For example
, it needs lots of investment in marketing, advertisement and manpower management. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
fail to manage all the things,
eventually
that will cause harm to his business.
Additionally
, all responsibility
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who
is known
as head of business,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he can not give time to his family.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's population prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a startup
rather
than working in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organization
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages are
also
there if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
.
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IELTS essay In this technological era, people are becoming more and more workoholic to fullfill their needs.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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