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In this modern era,most trending forms of leisure activity is shopping in various countries for youngsters. There are couple of reasons behind this as i think this is a positive development which will be discussed in upcoming stanzas.

In this modern era, most trending forms of leisure activity is shopping in various countries for youngsters. There are couple of reasons behind this as i think this is a positive development which will be discussed in upcoming stanzas. k5Joe
To commence with, first and foremost reason is globalisation. In order to, it allure youngsters to try hands on everything. As the items are accessible to all individuals they become more curious from advertisement to buy them. Second reason behind this is E-commerce. In other words, online shopping is comfortable, rapid and doesn't take more time for shopping. Moreover, it is a pleasing way to increase young shoppers. For instance, while scrolling mobile phones individual start ordering the items with a few clicks. Furthermore, there are various positive effects of shopping. Primarily, shopping by youngsters generate local, National and international revenue. Shopping increases the economy rate all over the world as it can be seen that 70% of United State of America economy is based on retail industry while, 10% of India economy is based in retail industry. Moreover, the another positive effect is that it provide employment worldwide. To be clear, individuals get jobs in shopping malls or in small towns. In addition, as it is seemed that during lockdown many of people have started online shopping they just upload pictures on social site not only they get big orders but also the get a lot of benefits as income. As a result shopping among young people has become a common activity in the world. In conclusion, the main cause behind rise in shopping among youngsters is globalisation which has been handling the word economies as well as employment rate. so it's positively cannot be questioned ever never
To commence with,
first
and foremost reason is
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
. In order to, it
Did you mean "allures"?
allure
youngsters to try hands on everything.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the items are accessible to all individuals they become more curious from advertisement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them. Second reason behind this is E-commerce.
In other words
, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is comfortable, rapid and doesn't take more time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Moreover
, it is a pleasing way to increase young shoppers.
For instance
, while scrolling mobile phones individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
ordering the items with a few clicks.

Furthermore
, there are various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Primarily
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
by youngsters generate local, National and international revenue.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
increases the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
rate all over the world as it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that 70% of United State of America
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
is based
on retail industry while, 10% of India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
is based
in retail industry.

Moreover
, the another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect is that it provide employment worldwide. To be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jobs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls or in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns.
In addition
, as it
is seemed
that during lockdown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
upload pictures on social site not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
orders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits as income.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
become a common activity in the world.

In conclusion
, the main cause behind rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
among youngsters is
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
which has been handling the word
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economies
as well
as employment rate.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
it's
positively
cannot
be questioned
ever
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
never
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IELTS essay In this modern era, most trending forms of leisure activity is shopping in various countries for youngsters. There are couple of reasons behind this as i think this is a positive development which will be discussed in upcoming stanzas.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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