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In this developing world, more people tend to relocate their workplace to the busy towns instead of running their work in a rural area or a smaller city. From my perspective, this inevitably provides benefits for employees while there are still some drawbacks.

In this developing world, more people tend to relocate their workplace to the busy towns instead of running their work in a rural area or a smaller city. From my perspective, this inevitably provides benefits for employees while there are still some drawbacks. b2BrX
In this developing world, more people tend to relocate their workplace to the busy towns instead of running their work in a rural area or a smaller city. From my perspective, this inevitably provides benefits for employees while there are still some drawbacks. One obvious advantage of having a job in an advanced city is that workers can get the availability of modern facilities. These kinds of cities always have a wide range of chains including schools, gyms, hospitals, restaurants, . . . with high technology that people can participate in and can help employees enrich their life a lot. In particular, hospitals in these towns have principal advanced and specific equipment to solve all diseases so people do not need to look for a bigger one. Furthermore, these abundant materials can also furnish a variety of jobs with higher salary and moderner environments for employees. Despite this, the living cost and requirement for recruitment in these new places are quite more difficult, so people are likely to have a good preparation before relocating. In contrast, a worry worth mentioning is the excessive increase of people that can lead to overpopulation in big cities. It can put these towns in a crisis of lacking houses and medical services and make the environment more polluted. Some people argue that the more workers a city has, the faster this city improves, but I personally think that the environment is the basis of every town and we should appreciate the quality of employees more than the quantity. An additional downside is the hard competition among people. This entails them building up every time to ensure their position so they are put into a lot of pressure. In summary, weighing up both sides of the argument, I would say that although having an own place in a crowded city does have some issues, the fact that this option is really a promising picture for people who want to improve their life.
In this developing world, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to relocate their workplace to the busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
instead
of running their work in a rural area or a smaller city. From my perspective, this
inevitably
provides benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
while there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. One obvious advantage of having a job in an advanced city is that workers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the availability of modern facilities. These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
always have a wide range of chains including schools, gyms, hospitals, restaurants
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
with
high technology that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can participate in and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
enrich their life a lot.
In particular
, hospitals in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
have principal advanced and specific equipment to solve all diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not need to look for a bigger one.
Furthermore
, these abundant materials can
also
furnish a variety of jobs with higher salary and
Possible spelling mistake found.
moderner
environments for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. Despite this, the living cost and requirement for recruitment in these new places are quite more difficult,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
preparation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
relocating.
In contrast
, a worry worth mentioning is the excessive increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that can lead to overpopulation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. It can put these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
in a crisis of lacking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and medical services and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the environment more polluted.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the more workers a city has, the faster this city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the environment is the basis of every
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
town and
we should appreciate the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
more than the quantity. An additional downside is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
competition among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This entails them building up every time to ensure their position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
are put
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure. In summary, weighing up both sides of the argument, I would say that although having an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
place in a crowded city does have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues, the fact that this option is
really
a promising picture for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their life.
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IELTS essay In this developing world, more people tend to relocate their workplace to the busy towns instead of running their work in a rural area or a smaller city. From my perspective, this inevitably provides benefits for employees while there are still some drawbacks.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
327 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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