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we are witnessing inexorable development of state-of-the-art technology

we are witnessing inexorable development of state-of-the-art technology w76ME
These days, we are witnessing inexorable development of state-of-the-art technology. While a number of people believe that the ubiquity of technology is eradicating the income gap between the wealthy and the poverty-stricken, I strongly advocate that technological advancements are extending the gap between two social classes. On the one hand, technology – increases the income gap. First of all, while the wealthy can get access to the state-of-the-art technology for many purposes such as work, study, or investment, the impoverished especially in third-world countries can’t afford the contemporary devices so they have to choose the options for more economical or second purchases which are reduced functions and have fewer conveniences. Secondly, the majority of the poor are jobless, among low-skilled workforce since the technology has superseded humans in assembly lines, agriculture. The automation techniques are widely applied in many fields to increase productivity as well as reduce errors, resulting in workers losing their livelihood. On the other hand, it is my concrete belief that technology- mitigates the income gap. First, the impoverished can effortlessly purchase smartphones, laptops at reasonable prices because of the availability of high-tech facilities. Therefore, they can comfortably have internet access and a wide range of functions. For instance, nowadays, mountainous areas or isolated islands have great internet access so people in these areas can keep abreast with the latest news at their fingertips. In addition, both the wealthy and the poor have a higher quality of education. The rationale is that thanks to technology, everyone on earth can access free courses, thus, they can enrich their horizon of knowledge without paying any tuition fees. To illustrate, the University of the people provides equal opportunities for everyone to get the qualifications. It means that even the underprivileged have a chance to achieve bachelor's degrees like people who are in first-world countries with just laptop access to the internet. In conclusion, certain innovations in technology lessen the gap between the rich and the poor while certain developments make society more polarized. This essay has reviewed both views and elaborated on my opinion.
These days, we are witnessing inexorable development of state-of-the-art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. While a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the ubiquity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is eradicating the income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the wealthy and the poverty-stricken, I
strongly
advocate that technological advancements are extending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between two social classes.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
increases the income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, while the wealthy can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the state-of-the-art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
purposes such as work, study, or investment, the impoverished
especially
in third-world countries can’t afford the contemporary devices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose the options for more economical or second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
functions and have fewer conveniences.
Secondly
, the majority of the poor are jobless, among low-skilled workforce since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has superseded humans in assembly lines, agriculture. The automation techniques are
widely
applied in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields to increase productivity
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
errors, resulting in workers losing their livelihood.

On the other hand
, it is my concrete belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology-
mitigates the income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
.
First
, the impoverished can
effortlessly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
smartphones, laptops at reasonable prices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the availability of high-tech facilities.
Therefore
, they can
comfortably
have internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
and a wide range of functions.
For instance
, nowadays, mountainous areas or isolated islands have great internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in these areas can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
abreast with the latest news at their fingertips.
In addition
, both the wealthy and the poor have a higher quality of education. The rationale is that thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, everyone on earth can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
free courses,
thus
, they can enrich their horizon of knowledge without paying any tuition fees. To illustrate, the University of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
provides equal opportunities for everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the qualifications. It means that even the underprivileged have a chance to achieve bachelor's degrees like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are in
first
-world countries with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
laptop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the internet.

In conclusion
, certain innovations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
lessen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the rich and the poor while certain developments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
society more polarized. This essay has reviewed both views and elaborated on my opinion.
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IELTS essay we are witnessing inexorable development of state-of-the-art technology

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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