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In this contemporary epoch, inexorable technological breakthroughs have revolutionized social

In this contemporary epoch, inexorable technological breakthroughs have revolutionized social OwoBy
In this contemporary epoch, inexorable technological breakthroughs have revolutionized social relationships amongst people. While some people concede that the state-of-the-art technological improvements in communication bring detrimental impacts to social bonds, it is my concrete that such advances are more beneficial for individuals’ amity. First, a high-tech mode of communication allows people to effortlessly contact one another regardless of geographical distance and geographical distance. Due to the help of hi-tech devices, the geographical corridor can be eliminated and communication can be simplified by the Internet or telephone, thus people can expand their range of social relationships easily which will benefit them in work or social contexts. For example, in the era of globalization, we have to work with transnational partners, cutting-edge technology makes everything more convenient via online conferences and workspace without traveling. In addition, people can expand social circles with like-minded people thanks to cutting-edge technology. There are a lot of means of communication such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and so on, thus people can connect with each other through these social media. To illustrate, if you wanted to work with people who had the same field of job, you would find them in Facebook’s groups with just a click of this job’s name. On the other hand, technological advancements do not always bring positive to society, it will make people become poor interactions and unpractical. Due to the popularity of means of communication, most of the time children and adults are busy with smartphones or other channels, making virtual relationships than real ones, thus they will be less emotional. Although modern modes of communication will impact on face to face communication, their availabilities outweigh the minimal impacts of negative. In conclusion, I concede that modern communication technologies are helping to make certain situations better even though there are certain drawbacks to them. Therefore, its individual responsibility to use it wisely only to get things better.
In this contemporary epoch, inexorable technological breakthroughs have revolutionized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
relationships amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concede that the state-of-the-art technological improvements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
bring detrimental impacts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
bonds, it is my concrete that such advances are more beneficial for individuals’ amity.

First
, a high-tech mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
effortlessly
contact one another regardless of geographical distance and geographical distance. Due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of hi-tech devices, the geographical corridor can
be eliminated
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
can
be simplified
by the Internet or telephone,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can expand their range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
relationships
easily
which will benefit them in work or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
contexts.
For example
, in the era of globalization, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work with transnational partners, cutting-edge technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
everything more convenient via online conferences and workspace without traveling.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can expand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
circles with like-minded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
thanks
to cutting-edge technology. There are
Possible agreement error. The noun means seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of means".
a lot of means
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can connect with each other through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media. To illustrate, if you wanted to work with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who had the same field of job, you would find them in Facebook’s groups with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click of this job’s name.

On the other hand
, technological advancements do not always bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
to society, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become poor interactions and unpractical. Due to the popularity of means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
, most of the time children and adults are busy with smartphones or other channels, making virtual relationships than real ones,
thus
they will be less emotional. Although modern modes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
will impact on face to face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
, their availabilities outweigh the minimal impacts of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

In conclusion
, I concede that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
technologies are helping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
certain situations better
even though
there are certain drawbacks to them.
Therefore
, its individual responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
wisely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
things better.
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IELTS essay In this contemporary epoch, inexorable technological breakthroughs have revolutionized social

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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