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In these days, accessing to computers has increased widely because of developing technology.

In these days, accessing to computers has increased widely because of developing technology. YBMmm
In these days, accessing to computers has increased widely because of developing technology. Moreover, a great deal of children playing games on computers has been increased. This essay will consider the positive and negative sides of playing computer games and explain how to avoid the negative effects. Actually, playing computer games can develop children's mental ability. Lots of games are based on the phsychological development and thinking skills, such as in order to win they should obey instructions of them and solve the issues which faced during the games. It will be beneficial for for children to live better in their real life. However, overusing computer games will affect badly for children such as their eyesight and behaviours. Firstly, using computers from morning till night is harmful for young's eyesight. Secondly, some computer games make children kill, shoot and kick, such kind of violence computer games increase children's aggressive feelings and behaviours. In order to decrease these negative impacts, parents should care their children and they should know what kind of computer games playing their children and they should set up a time for children a day. Moreover, they ought to encourage them to play traditional outdoor games. To sum up playing computer games has positive and negative impacts for children. However, if parents take care of their children more, these bad sides can be minimised.
In these days, accessing to computers has increased
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of developing technology.
Moreover
, a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on computers has
been increased
. This essay will consider the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
sides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how to avoid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects.

Actually,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can develop children's mental ability. Lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are based
on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
phsychological
development and thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such as in order to win they should obey instructions of them and solve the issues which faced during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. It will be beneficial
Possible typo: you repeated a word
for for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
better in their real life.

However
, overusing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will affect
badly
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
such as their eyesight and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
Firstly
, using computers from morning till night is harmful for young's eyesight.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
kill, shoot and kick, such kind of violence computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
increase children's aggressive feelings and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.

In order to decrease these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impacts, parents should care their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they should know what kind of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they should set up a time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a day.
Moreover
, they ought to encourage them to play traditional outdoor games.

To sum up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impacts for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, if parents take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
sides can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
.
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IELTS essay In these days, accessing to computers has increased widely because of developing technology.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
226 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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