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in the western world the percentage of overweight children has increased

in the western world the percentage of overweight children has increased Q5kE9
In the 21st century health has been a parameter upon which the levels of development of a country can be judged. In contrast to the poorer nations where malnutrition is rampant, in the western world the percentage of overweight children has increased dramatically in the last couple of years. This situation has arised due to a multitude of reasons. Affluent countries were the first to be introduced to the concept of junk food. The children here have been familiarised with these food items way earlier than their counterparts. Also the pop culture in the western world has normalised the take out meals and foods. Childhood obesity is no joke and needs to be given the attention of policy makers and school districts. After all unhealthy children would grow up to be unhealthy individuals and this would harm the nations economy. We need to take into consideration that the children are not the ones making the decisions regarding their foods. While they may be influenced by tv commercials and advertisements finally it is the parents that decide what goes on their plates. For this purpose it is necessary to educate the parents about health and nourishment if we want to safeguard the health of our future generations.
In the 21st century health has been a parameter upon which the levels of development of a country can
be judged
.
In contrast
to the poorer nations where malnutrition is rampant, in the western world the percentage of overweight
children
has increased
dramatically
in the last couple of years.

This situation has
arised
due to a multitude of reasons. Affluent countries were the
first
to
be introduced
to the concept of junk food. The
children
here have been
familiarised
with these food items way earlier than their counterparts.
Also
the pop culture in the western world has
normalised
the take out meals and foods.

Childhood obesity is no joke and needs to be
given
the attention of
policy makers
and school districts.
After all
unhealthy
children
would grow up to be unhealthy individuals and this would harm the
nations
economy.

We need to take into consideration that the
children
are not the ones making the decisions regarding their foods. While they may
be influenced
by
tv
commercials and advertisements
finally
it is the parents that decide what goes on their plates. For this purpose it is necessary to educate the parents about health and nourishment if we want to safeguard the health of our future generations.
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IELTS essay in the western world the percentage of overweight children has increased

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
206 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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