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In the recent years, there has been a dramatic rise in the number of unemployed people. What should youngsters do in order not to be out of work?

In the recent years, there has been a dramatic rise in the number of unemployed people. What should youngsters do in order not to be out of work? lWg01
In recent years, the unemployment rate has risen dramatically and become alarming as most of them are youngsters. This not only impacts on their own but also our society. Therefore, many youngsters wonder what they should do in order not to be out of work, which is the main topic of this essay. To begin with, as the world has become more and more modern, the need for highly qualified labour is rising, so, to not be out of work, youngsters should try to improve their knowledge as well as experiences in fields they want to work in. A university degree is usually used to prove our ability to employers, however, it's not enough. Youngsters also need to join in lots of activities, competitions or clubs to get plenty of skills that are needed for your future work. This can be an attractive point to employers. In addition, if there aren't any chances for you, then you can create one for yourself. These days, more and more youngsters start-up. These young businessmen/women are bringing up plenty of unique ideas as well as chances of work for other youngsters. The government is also encouraging start-ups not only to contribute to our economy but also a solution for rising unemployment rate. However, this work needs plenty of patience and firm stuff to make it till the end. In conclusion, youngsters nowadays should become more active to deal with unemployment. Make yourself stand out of the crowd and the chance of work will come to you soon.
In recent years, the unemployment rate has risen
dramatically
and become alarming as most of them are youngsters. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
impacts on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
our society.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters wonder what they should do in order not to be out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, which is the main topic of this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, as the world has become more and more modern, the need for
highly
qualified
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
is rising,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, to not be out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, youngsters should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge
as well
as experiences in fields they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in. A university degree is
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to prove our ability to employers,
however
, it's not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. Youngsters
also
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in lots of activities, competitions or clubs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that
are needed
for your future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This can be an attractive point to employers.

In addition
, if there aren't any chances for you, then you can create one for yourself. These days, more and more youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up. These young businessmen/women are bringing up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of unique
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
as well
as chances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for other youngsters. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is
also
encouraging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-ups not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to contribute to our economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a solution for rising unemployment rate.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of patience and firm stuff to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it till the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

In conclusion
, youngsters nowadays should become more active to deal with unemployment.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Make
yourself stand out of the crowd and the chance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
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IELTS essay In the recent years, there has been a dramatic rise in the number of unemployed people. What should youngsters do in order not to be out of work?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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