Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In the present era, children are found not to fully appreciate the present they are given. What are the reason for this and how could these problems be solved? (Make sure that you write minimum 250 words)

In the present era, children are found not to fully appreciate the present they are given. What are the reason for this and how could these problems be solved? (Make sure that you write minimum 250 words) OrDrG
The children in the generation Z are the people who (this is unnecessary) have a lot of opportunities to approach to many modern things, social platforms, especially expensive, luxurious presents. Day after day, they will forget the background meaning of the gifts, which are given and just only (choose either of them) focus on the value of money. In the following essay, I will discuss the reasons and also provide some solutions to tackle with these problems from my point of view. The first reason-as well as the most important one- is that the impacts of social media on these young kids. For instance, every day, they always (every day means “always”) see many impressive posts on Facebook, those can be about shopping, traveling, cars, etc. , by looking at these usually, inside their minds, the awareness about the importance of money and expensive presents has raised. So-Therefore, when they receive a present or a gift from their relatives or family, they can just pay attention to the cost, the value of that, not the underlying value. Moreover, there is one more reason that I think we should consider. That is the effects of parents’ education on their children. If the parents cannot teach or told (V2? ) their children to be appreciate for what they have received and say thank you, as a result, these young kids will think that behavior is good and they will keep doing that in the future. I believe the solutions for these problems, however, are simple. Firstly, it is the change comes from the children. They should not spend all day to watch those luxurious post on social platforms. Instead of that, they can hang out with friends or help mother with housework. The answer for the second difficulty is depends on the way parents educate their kids. They need to teach them to completely appreciate what they have received. As a result, the children know the background story behind the presents and be grateful. In a nutshell, therefore, there are several negative effects associated with the children being too much focused on the cost of the presents, not the story behind. In order to prevent this problem from happening, the kids should be educated fully by their parents and also not to be mesmerrized by some posts on social media.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the generation Z are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who (this is unnecessary) have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
opportunities to approach to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
modern things,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms,
especially
expensive, luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
. Day after day, they will forget the background meaning of the gifts, which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
(choose either of them) focus on the value of money. In the following essay, I will discuss the reasons and
also
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to tackle with these problems from my point of view.

The
first
reason-
as well
as the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one- is that the impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media on these young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
For instance
, every day, they always (every day means “always”)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
impressive posts on Facebook, those can be about shopping, traveling, cars, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
by looking at these
usually
, inside their minds, the awareness about the importance of money and expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
has raised.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
-
Therefore
, when they receive a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
or a gift from their relatives or family, they can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
pay attention to the cost, the value of that, not the underlying value.

Moreover
, there is one more reason that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should consider.
That is
the effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
education on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot teach or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
(V2?
Loose punctuation mark.
)
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
Consider using a past participle here: "appreciated".
appreciate
for what they have received and say thank you,
as a result
, these young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that behavior is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
good and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
doing that in the future.

I believe the solutions for these problems,
however
, are simple.
Firstly
, it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They should not spend all day to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
those luxurious post on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms.
Instead
of that, they can hang out with friends or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
mother with housework. The answer for the second difficulty is depends on the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. They need to teach them to completely appreciate what they have received.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know the background story behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
and be grateful.

In a nutshell,
therefore
, there are several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects associated with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being too much focused on the cost of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
, not the story behind. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this problem from happening, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should
be educated
fully
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
also
not to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
mesmerrized
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
posts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay In the present era, children are found not to fully appreciate the present they are given. What are the reason for this and how could these problems be solved? (Make sure that you write minimum 250 words)

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
388 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts