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In the past, when students did a University degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.15

In the past, when students did a University degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 15
In recent years, learners have more opportunities to learn at foreign universities as compared with the past, when they took admissions in their home country for higher education. In my opinion, there are more demerits than merits because they have to pay high fees and stay away from their homes. To commence with, the disadvantage of studying at foreign universities is that the cost of learning is more in comparison with local institutes. Besides, they have to pay rent to stay where they are studying. As a consequence, it will increase the burden on their parents who are sponsoring them. For example, the University degree fees at Canadian universities for international students is three times more than the Canadian student. Whereas, if they study in their home country, they can complete their degree at less cost and need not to pay any extra for living as they can live in their own house. Therefore, they can save their parents' money. Moreover, when the study abroad, they go to a place where no one knows them. Due to this, they may get cultural shock and may go into depression. As a consequence, they might Indulge in criminal activities. For instance, in a recent survey conducted by Cambridge University, it is found that approximately 70 percent of students attempted suicide and did robbery due to loneliness. If they stay with their families in their own country, they may not feel isolated and can share their emotions with their dear ones. Hence, it is apparent that it has a more negative effect on the learners. To summarise, although the chances to learn in foreign countries have increased, it has more negative effects as it will increase the financial burden on their parents as well as they may get a cultural shock. I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
In recent years, learners have more opportunities to learn at foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
as compared with the past, when they took admissions in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for higher education. In my opinion, there are more demerits than merits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay high fees and stay away from their homes.

To commence with, the disadvantage of studying at foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
is that the cost of learning is more
in comparison
with local institutes.
Besides
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay rent to stay where they are studying. As a consequence, it will increase the burden on their parents who are sponsoring them.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
degree fees at Canadian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
for international students is three times more than the Canadian student. Whereas, if they study in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they can complete their degree at less cost and need not
Did you mean "pay"?
to pay
any extra for living as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Therefore
, they can save their parents' money.

Moreover
, when the study abroad, they go to a place where no one knows them. Due to this, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
cultural shock and may go into depression. As a consequence, they might Indulge in criminal activities.
For instance
, in a recent survey conducted by Cambridge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
, it
is found
that approximately 70 percent of students attempted suicide and did robbery due to loneliness. If they stay with their families in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they may not feel isolated and can share their emotions with their dear ones.
Hence
, it is apparent that it has a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the learners.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, although the chances to learn in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have increased, it has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects as it will increase the financial burden on their parents
as well
as they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a cultural shock. I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, when students did a University degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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