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In the past, shopping was a routine household chore, but nowadays many people consider it as a hobby do they have a positive or negative influence?

In the past, shopping was a routine household chore, but nowadays many people consider it as a hobby do they have a positive or negative influence? Pk9Dp
The thousant years ago, many people do shopping as a daily household however these days a lot of people prefer shopping as a hobby. This can be negative if there is too much negative sides Firstly. Nowadays people like shopping with their nears. they prefer spend much more time shopping spend their money their clothes and to show up their nears to spend their shopping. They may be spend their work or families for example in school or in universities a lot of girls want to wear very expensive clothes and say their parents to buy this to show up their classmates. These days shops is very developing. So everyone want to wear good. Secontly. In the past people do not pay attantion their clothes. They workin every day this money they spend their families thanspend very expensive clothes. In that time were not shops was only bazars. In bazars was only cheaper clothes. In past people prefer nessesary thing in their house do not spend money other thing. Taking every thing into consideration. I am convinced that these days people spend much more time and money to shopping and it is hobbey for them now.
The
thousant
years ago,
many
people
do
shopping
as a daily household
however
these days
a lot of
people
prefer
shopping
as a hobby. This can be
negative
if there is too much
negative
sides


Firstly
. Nowadays
people
like
shopping
with their nears.
they
prefer
spend
much more time
shopping
spend
their
money
their
clothes
and to
show
up their nears to
spend
their
shopping
. They
may be
spend
their work or families
for example
in school or in universities
a lot of
girls want to wear
very
expensive
clothes
and say their parents to
buy
this to
show
up their classmates. These days
shops
is
very
developing.
So
everyone
want
to wear
good
.

Secontly
. In the past
people
do not pay
attantion
their
clothes
. They
workin
every day this
money
they
spend
their families
thanspend
very
expensive
clothes
. In that time were not shops was
only
bazars
. In
bazars
was
only
cheaper
clothes
.
In
past
people
prefer
nessesary
thing in their
house
do not
spend
money
other thing.

Taking every thing into consideration. I
am convinced
that these days
people
spend
much more time and
money
to
shopping
and it is
hobbey
for them
now
.
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IELTS essay In the past, shopping was a routine household chore, but nowadays many people consider it as a hobby do they have a positive or negative influence?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
196 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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