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In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. oJx9
Shopping was a bothering household chore, but now many youngsters consider that shopping as a way of using spare time. This trend is beneficial for national economy, teaching financial conception to teens, and relieving stress. This essay will discuss why this trend is completely good. Firstly, it’s advantageous for country’s economy. As the consuming money as a hobby increases, economy will also improve. For example, for the better economy, the president of South Korea recommended people to go shopping and spend more money. Shopping as a hobby is a basic and ultimate way to grow national economy. As the teenagers began to spend money as a hobby, it would bring a good opportunity to teach economical conception. They would spend more money and they would spend all of their pocket money. Parents can teach financial conception to their offspring to make them manage their money economically efficient. For instance, my friend spent all of her money and her parents taught her how to be financially smart and how to manage money. This hobby can provide an opportunity for adults to teach young ones about financial conception. Lastly, it would be a great way for people to relieve stress. As they go shopping and forget about their work and hard thing temporarily, they would be happier and get rid of stress that you got from daily life and work. For example, famous Korean comedian relieve her stress by spending money and going shopping. To go shopping is a way to take away stress. To sum up, shopping was what made us waste time, but recently, it became a famous trend for youngsters. This hobby would be good for national economy, educating the conception of money to teens and relieving stress. In my opinion, this trend is wholly advantageous for our society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
was a bothering household chore,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a way of using spare time. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
is beneficial for national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
, teaching financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conception
to teens, and relieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. This essay will discuss why this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
is completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

Firstly
, it’s advantageous for country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
. As the consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
increases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
For example
, for the better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
, the president of South Korea recommended
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is a basic and ultimate way to grow national economy.

As the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
began to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
, it would bring a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity to teach economical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conception
. They would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
all of their pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Parents can teach financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conception
to their offspring to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
economically
efficient.
For instance
, my friend spent all of her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and her parents taught her how to be
financially
smart and how to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
can provide an opportunity for adults to teach young ones about financial conception.

Lastly
, it would be a great way for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to relieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. As they go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and forget about their work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
thing
temporarily
, they would be happier and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
that you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
from daily life and work.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Korean comedian relieve her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
by spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. To go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a way to take away
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
was what made us waste time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
recently, it became a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
for youngsters. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
, educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conception
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to teens and relieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. In my opinion, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
is wholly advantageous for our society.
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IELTS essay In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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