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In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend? v.8

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. v. 8
These days shopping is a common free time activity. In the past, people only went shopping when they needed something from the market. In today's world, some people call it a hobby. I believe, shopping should not be considered a hobby. When we choose something as our hobby, there must be some social, physical, or intellectual benefits associated with it. For instance, reading a book is good for our mental capacity and knowledge. Playing basketball is an excellent activity for physical fitness. However, shopping as a hobby has no positive effects on an individual. Shopping daily is simply a waste of resources and energy. When people go shopping every day, they will buy things that are not even needed. We have our closets full of clothes and shoes, on the other side of the world, people are dying for not having enough food and clean water. So in my opinion, people should choose a hobby, that is helpful to others or at least it has some positive outcomes. Some people would argue that, hobby is something that relaxes an individual mentally and physically. So going to market helps them relax and socializing is the other beneficial factor. It is true, but there are healthier options available for comfort and making connections. For example, going to the library and reading books can give you mental relaxation and you can also socialize. It is a cost effective and a good hobby. In conclusion, people must choose a hobby that is less expensive and it has some benefits. Shopping as a hobby is financial burden and it has no positive outcomes.
These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a common free time activity. In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
went
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
when they needed something from the market. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
call it a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
. I believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
should not
be considered
a hobby.

When we choose something as our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social, physical, or intellectual benefits associated with it.
For instance
, reading a book is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our mental capacity and knowledge. Playing basketball is an excellent activity for physical fitness.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
has no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on an individual.

Shopping daily is
simply
a waste of resources and energy. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
every day, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things that are not even needed. We have our closets full of clothes and shoes, on the other side of the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are dying for not having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
food and clean water.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
,
that is
helpful to others or at least it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would argue that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is something that relaxes an individual mentally and
physically
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
going to market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them relax and socializing is the other beneficial factor. It is true,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are healthier options available for comfort and making connections.
For example
, going to the library and reading books can give you mental relaxation and you can
also
socialize. It is a cost effective and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
hobby.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
that is
less expensive and it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is financial burden and it has no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
268 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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