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In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowdays regard it as a hobby. To what extend do you think this is a positive trend?

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. v. 6
In a capitalistic and consumistic world as ours, money and excess are our culture: world’s development is going more and more faster and we have learnt to give the same importance to objects and human being: as us we have been learning they only have one life. Even if we do not accept these, we already know this: objects have many lives. Consequently, we are used to buy more often something new and this has brought to consider shopping no longer a need, but a pleasure. From my perspective, shopping as an hobby is not quite a positive trend, but I believe it is a directly consequence of our consumistic culture. In the past it was a routine: this means that tou went to shopping only when you needed it, without wasting (or at least not as nowdays). On the contrary, as it has became an hobby, is a pleasure activity than can be done whenever you want. Everytime a necessity turn into an hobby is essential to be careful, and food addiction is the perfect instance. When this happens, might be difficult to fell guilty, or even aware of your addiction, because you are used to think it is needed and start creating excuses. Nowadays, it can be even more dangerous because is possible to shopping everywhere: on your smartphone, tablet, computer, television, you do not even need to move from your sofa. Moreover, considering that we are facing an environment and climatic crisis due to our bad and reckless behaviour, is vital to change our habits: minimal, needed and aware shopping. In summary, a great attention has to be given on what we consider our hobbies in order to find something that besides being funny, enjoing or relaxting, is healty too.
In a capitalistic and
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumistic
world as ours, money and excess are our culture: world’s development is going more and
Use only "faster" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more faster
and we have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
to give the same importance to objects and human being: as us we have been learning they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have one life.

Even if we do not accept these, we already know this: objects have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Consequently
, we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
something new and this has brought to consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
no longer a need,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a pleasure.

From my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is not quite a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe it is a
You used an adverb ('directly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('consequence') instead of another adjective.
directly consequence
of our
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumistic
culture. In the past it was a routine: this means that
Possible spelling mistake found.
tou
went to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when you needed it, without wasting (or at least not as
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowdays
).

On the contrary
, as it has
Use past participle here: "become".
became
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
, is a pleasure activity than can
be done
whenever you want.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Everytime
a necessity turn into
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is essential to be careful, and food addiction is the perfect instance. When this happens, might be difficult to fell guilty, or even aware of your addiction,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it
is needed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
creating excuses.

Nowadays, it can be even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
is possible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
everywhere: on your smartphone, tablet, computer, television, you do not even need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from your sofa.

Moreover
, considering that we are facing an environment and climatic crisis due to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and reckless
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, is vital to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our habits: minimal, needed and aware shopping.

In summary, a great attention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
on what we consider our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
in order to find something that
besides
being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
enjoing
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
relaxting
, is
Possible spelling mistake found.
healty
too.
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Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowdays regard it as a hobby.

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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