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In the past important knowledge of the culture and history was stored in museums.nowadays information is no longer need for museum.to what extent do you agree or disagree

In the past important knowledge of the culture and history was stored in museums. nowadays information is no longer need for museum. wjon
Museum contains the information about the cultural and historical background. It is argued by some that these days, every kinds of knowledge are available on internet, owing to this, museums are no longer needed by the public. I largly disagree with this notion and this essay intends to explicate that museums are more important than internet. On the one hand, the rapid advancement of technology and internet alliws peole obtain information easily. To elaborate it, people can search any topic related to history and culture with the help of internet and they can access any kind of knowledge without face any trouble as well as without wasting time. However, going to museums for those materials is definitely waste of time, money and energy. On the other hand, opponents of such a thought ague against it for several reasons. Firstly, museums are good places for local citizens and travellers to enhance their knowledge about culture and history. Museums are the place where experts preserved the country heritages, by paying visit to museums with family during holidays, young people are able to see the country histories. Secondly, it is the best leisure activities, when people visit museums the see many traditional paintings and students can learn easily when they see paintings and portrait. By contrast, vast amount of knowledge on internet is may be wrong, which effects the people's knowledge. Due to this, museum knowledge is more realistic than internet. To conclude, although important knowledge of culture and history is freely available on internet, by I believe that museums are still good place to educate the local residents and even the foreign travellers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
contains the information about the cultural and historical background. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that these days, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "kind"?
kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
are available on internet, owing to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are no longer needed by the public. I
Possible spelling mistake found.
largly
disagree with this notion and this essay intends to explicate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than internet.

On the one hand, the rapid advancement of technology and internet
Possible spelling mistake found.
alliws
Possible spelling mistake found.
peole
obtain information
easily
. To elaborate it,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can search any topic related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and culture with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
internet and
they can access any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
without face any trouble
as well
as without wasting time.
However
, going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
for those materials is definitely waste of time, money and energy.

On the other hand
, opponents of such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
ague against it for several reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
places for local citizens and
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
to enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are the place where experts preserved the country heritages, by paying visit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
with family during holidays, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
histories
.
Secondly
, it is the best leisure activities, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
traditional paintings and students can learn
easily
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
paintings and portrait.

By contrast, vast amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
on internet is may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, which effects the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. Due to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is more realistic than internet.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is
freely
available on internet, by I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
place to educate the local residents and even the foreign
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
.
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IELTS essay In the past important knowledge of the culture and history was stored in museums. nowadays information is no longer need for museum.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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