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In the past important knowledge of culture and history was stored in museum nowadays information is freely available on internet therefore is no longer vread for museum . To what extent do you agree ore disagree?

In the past important knowledge of culture and history was stored in museum nowadays information is freely available on internet therefore is no longer vread for museum. JNQ5
It has been considered that in bygone ear, museum stored was storing culture and traditional heritage. Nonetheless, huge of knowledge of special things of our ancestors is available online. Therefore, people have no need to go to museum. This essay intends to elaborate why I strongly disagree with this notion in subsequent paragraphs. To embark with, there are multifarious fruitful advantages of museum among individuals. Firstly, it is omniscient that today number of websites are present on internet about old culture and history but sometime these websites provide wrong information, which puts inferior influence impact on people especially children. As a result, olf art galleries arr essential for youngsters owing to the fact when they do touch and see heritage projects then they can straightforward capture in their mind. Secondly, museum create employment among jobless because museum have entery fees and numerous workers can work there for earning money. Therefore, old history places are source of income. Probing further, although a lot of information is freely available von internet but it puts detrimental effect on health of individuals as a fact online reading lead to week eye straight. Moreover, aged masses have not quite knowledge of internet. Hence, they cannot read online. For example, a survey was conducted by Columbia University that 50% teenagers are suffering from week eye straight due to online reading. Apart from this, traditional domain provide curiosity and these are good stress buster sources. Nowadays people have tight schedule that is why they are staying in worries due to this, they can visit museum and easily reduce their stress which may not provide by internet. To conclude, it can be analyzed from above discussion that albeit online is an easily available and free way of getting information about one's past and culture but get knowledge from live things are vital for gaining history information.
It has
been considered
that in bygone ear,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
stored was storing culture and traditional heritage. Nonetheless, huge of knowledge of special things of our ancestors is available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have no need to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. This essay intends to elaborate why I
strongly
disagree with this notion in subsequent paragraphs. To embark with, there are multifarious fruitful advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
among individuals.
Firstly
, it is omniscient that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
number of websites are present on internet about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
culture and history
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
sometime these websites provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, which puts inferior influence impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
especially
children.
As a result
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
olf
art galleries arr essential for youngsters owing to the fact when they do touch and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
heritage projects then they can straightforward capture in their mind.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
create employment among jobless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
have
Possible spelling mistake found.
entery
fees and numerous workers can work there for earning money.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
history places are source of income. Probing
further
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
freely
available
Possible spelling mistake found.
von
internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it puts detrimental effect on health of individuals as a fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
reading lead to week eye straight.
Moreover
, aged masses have not quite knowledge of internet.
Hence
, they cannot read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
For example
, a survey
was conducted
by Columbia University that 50%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are suffering from week eye straight due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
reading. Apart from this, traditional domain provide curiosity and these are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster sources. Nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have tight
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "scheduled".
schedule
that is
why they are staying in worries due to this, they can visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
which may not provide by internet.
To conclude
, it can
be analyzed
from above discussion that albeit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is an
easily
available and free way of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about one's past and culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
things are vital for gaining history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
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IELTS essay In the past important knowledge of culture and history was stored in museum nowadays information is freely available on internet therefore is no longer vread for museum.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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