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Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.2

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 2
Social networking sites have become an important part in our life. However, it is argued that these sites have some devastating effects on individuals and the society. Personally, I strongly agree with this idea. To begin with, social media is extremely detrimental to people's psychological stability. Some people using these sites may face some cyberbullies and they would say some very nasty stuff to these innocent people, which have some negative impacts on their mental stability. In other words, their mental health can get damaged by the bullies. In some situations, it causes serious mental diseases such as depression and eating disorders. To make matter worse, there have been numerous reports on how people commit suicide due to cyberbullying. Thus, feasible measures should be taken in to reduce the use to networking sites. Addiction is another drawback of social networks. The majority of the young people face this problem. It does not only ruins their academic grades, but it also plays a huge part in destroying their family ties. The critics may argue that these sites are beneficial to their relationship with their family since it helps them to keep in-touch with their family. However, they fail to take into account the fact that they are busy chatting and laughing to a cold-blooded screen. Hence, they don't have the time to visit their friends or relatives in person. As a result, relationships have become shallow. For example, in the earlier days, individuals used to have togethers at least once a month, but nowadays most of the people do not even know many of their relatives. Consequently, these sites are immensely unhelpful when it comes to bringing families together. In conclusion, although these networking sites are beneficial to some extent, I strongly agree with the argument that they have more detrimental effects on both the local community and the people. Firstly, it is disadvantageous to people's mental stability. Secondly, it is pernicious to family ties.
Social networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have become an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in our life.
However
, it
is argued
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
devastating effects on individuals and the society.
Personally
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, social media is
extremely
detrimental to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's psychological stability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
may face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cyberbullies and
they would say
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
nasty stuff to these innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
stability.
In other words
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
damaged by the bullies. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations, it causes serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
diseases such as depression and eating disorders. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
matter worse, there have been numerous reports on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
commit suicide due to cyberbullying.
Thus
, feasible measures should
be taken
in to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to networking sites.

Addiction is another drawback of social networks. The majority of the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face this problem. It does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "ruin"?
ruins
their academic grades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
plays a huge part in destroying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
ties. The critics may argue that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are beneficial to their relationship with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in-touch with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
However
, they fail to take into account the fact that they are busy chatting and laughing to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
-blooded screen.
Hence
, they don't have the time to visit their friends or relatives in person.
As a result
, relationships have become shallow.
For example
, in the earlier days, individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have
Possible spelling mistake found.
togethers at
least once a month,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not even know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of their relatives.
Consequently
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are
immensely
unhelpful when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
together.

In conclusion
, although these networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are beneficial to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that they have more detrimental effects on both the local community and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, it is disadvantageous to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
stability.
Secondly
, it is pernicious to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
ties.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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