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In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree?

In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. 5Ean
Nowadays people tend to go to shopping malls for entertainment and relaxation rather than for shopping. Most people do their shopping online and it seems to be going to happen more and more in the future. Therefore, I believe that entertainment will become the essential reason for going to shopping mall. There are some advantages to shopping at malls. Many people enjoy shopping at malls with friends. They see shopping as a personalized experience where they can talk with the seller face to face, touch the fabrics and smell the spice. Also they can try on clothes and get advice on products from shop assistants. However, online shopping provides customers with ultimate level of convenience. Many people are more eager to navigate the web and have a look at online shops all around the world. These shops give the customer the opportunity to compare goods prices and details quickly. So, malls will never be able to compete with the endless variety of products selections and on nature of online. Many people visit shopping malls looking for leisure and entertainment opportunities. Therefore Shopping malls operators are going to differentiate people according to their interests and age groups to attract different categories of people to spend their leisure time in malls. Shopping malls offer many entertainment facilities and amenities. Most malls include much more than cinemas or sport clubs, for instance Dubai Emirates mall includes exhibition hall, theater, museum, restaurants, kids' areas, bowling alleys and aquarium to attract people and make different errands more comfortable. Consequently, global trends like online shopping will force shopping malls operators to change the role of shopping malls in order to meet people's life entertainment needs.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
for entertainment and relaxation
rather
than for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and it seems to be going to happen more and more in the future.
Therefore
, I believe that entertainment will become the essential reason for going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
with friends. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a personalized experience where they can talk with the seller face to face, touch the fabrics and smell the spice.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they can try on clothes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
advice on products from shop assistants.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
provides customers with ultimate level of convenience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more eager to navigate the web and have a look at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shops all around the world. These shops give the customer the opportunity to compare
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
prices and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
quickly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
will never be able to compete with the endless variety of products selections and on nature of online.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
looking for leisure and entertainment opportunities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
operators are going to differentiate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
according to their interests and age groups to attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend their leisure time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
entertainment facilities and amenities. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
include much more than cinemas or sport clubs,
for instance
Dubai Emirates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
includes exhibition hall, theater, museum, restaurants, kids' areas, bowling alleys and aquarium to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
errands more comfortable.

Consequently
, global trends like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
operators to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life entertainment needs.
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IELTS essay In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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