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In the future, th shopping will be entertainment ?

In the future, th shopping will be entertainment? aQQNG
Good for gathering example not only shopping, there are a lot of entertainments; coffee bar, beauty salon, playground and cinema therefore not only for shopping but also for family and friend could make meeting place. Good for gathering example not only shopping, there are a lot of entertainments; coffee bar, beauty salon, playground and cinema therefore not only for shopping but also for family and friend could make meeting place. People in the city are often busy with so many things. They normally spend most of their time at a shopping mall throughout the day, week, and month. For example/ For instance, in the morning people go to office, and in the evening, they often go to the gym, after that, they eat at a food court or a restaurant, all under one roof. Future plans for new entertainment facilities (etc. spa, nail salon, hairdresser, library) at shopping malls, Money not enough if you shopping in shopping mall/ Shopping malls have a wide range of shops and products, people enjoy going shopping with their friends. Based on the points I have mentioned, I believe that people in the future will mainly visit the shopping mall for entertainment and not to go shopping. Furthermore, with the future plans for new entertainment facilities, shopping malls are slowly becoming an entertainment centre for most people thus in the future, shopping malls will be mostly used for entertainment purposes.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
for gathering example not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
entertainments; coffee bar, beauty salon, playground and cinema
therefore
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for family and friend could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
meeting place.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
for gathering example not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
entertainments; coffee bar, beauty salon, playground and cinema
therefore
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for family and friend could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
meeting place.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in the city are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
busy with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things. They
normally
spend most of their time at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
throughout the day, week, and month.
For example
/
For instance
, in the morning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to office, and in the evening, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
go to the gym, after that, they eat at a food court or a restaurant, all under one roof.

Future plans for new entertainment facilities (etc. spa, nail salon, hairdresser, library) at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
, Money not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall/
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
have a wide range of shops and products,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
with their friends.

Based on the points I have mentioned, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the future will
mainly
visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
for entertainment and not to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Furthermore
, with the future plans for new entertainment facilities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
are
slowly
becoming an entertainment
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thus
in the future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
will be
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for entertainment purposes.
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IELTS essay In the future, th shopping will be entertainment?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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