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Have people become more reliant on their devices, instead of their own minds? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Have people become more reliant on their devices, instead of their own minds? b22kX
Technology is advancing every day. The improvement of mobile phones, laptops, and gadgets caused people to become more reliant on devices. This essay will discuss the points on why I agree that people have become increasingly dependent on technology and gadgets. Firstly, mobile phones and laptops allow us to gather information through a single device. With the ease of gathering and finding information, people will become dependent on these devices to find an answer for them. Using their minds would be efficient, but it will be more accurate and reliable to find information provided by professionals who will give the data for us. Secondly, storing huge amounts of data in mobile phones and laptops is useful for work and school of most people. Gadgets are portable, you can easily bring them anywhere you travel to. This makes sure that all of your data will be with you and can be easily used when needed. Students, teachers, and office workers use laptops and computers to store all of the information they need for particular tasks. Moreover, devices are fast and efficient. With a single touch or click, you can easily search for what you need on your devices. People use gadgets in their everyday lives to make it easier and faster. Using such gadgets will allow them to organize, finish, and understand what needs to be done. Although most of our society rely on our gadgets and devices, a few group of people still choose to rely on their own knowledge, abilities, and capabilities without using their gadgets or devices. But with the world advancing and improving our technology, people have indeed become more reliable and dependent on gadgets.
Technology is advancing every day. The improvement of mobile phones,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more reliant on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
. This essay will discuss the points on why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
increasingly
dependent on technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
.
Firstly
, mobile phones and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
through a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of gathering and finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
dependent on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
to find an answer for them. Using their minds would be efficient,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will be more accurate and reliable to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
provided by professionals who will give the data for us.
Secondly
, storing huge amounts of data in mobile phones and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
is useful for work and school of most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Gadgets
are portable, you can
easily
bring them anywhere you travel to. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sure that all of your data will be with you and can be
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
when needed. Students, teachers, and office workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
and computers to store
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
they need for particular tasks.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and efficient. With a single touch or click, you can
easily
search for what you need on your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
in their everyday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easier and faster. Using such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to organize, finish, and understand what needs to
be done
. Although most of our society rely on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, a
Possible agreement error. The noun group seems to be countable; consider using: "few groups".
few group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
choose to rely on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
knowledge, abilities, and capabilities without using their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
with the world advancing and improving our technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
indeed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more reliable and dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
.
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IELTS essay Have people become more reliant on their devices, instead of their own minds?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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