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In the future, shopping malls will be used for entrainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree?

In the future, shopping malls will be used for entrainment, not to shop. 2RjJX
It's argued that shopping malls in the future will be mainly used for entertainment, not to shop. Although I partially agree with this opinion, I think shopping malls will maintain their intrinsic goal which is shopping. An obvious increase in mall's amenities is the first reason for this change. Shopping mall's owners want their malls to have a lively atmosphere in order to attract customers. They will expand the facilities for every age. Such as amusement parks for children, computer games and different performs for teenagers and cinemas or theater halls for adults. You will have a wide range of fun to choose besides shopping, all under one roof. The second reason for this subject is that for cold seasons for example, people usually prefer to meet their friends mainly for spend time with each other, not to purchase. Before this pandemic, I used to get together with my friends at the weekends in one of the biggest malls in our town. We usually did a quick window shopping just to see the latest fashion styles and then we spent our rest of time discussing various subjects in the cafes of mall, without concerning about how the weather is. In the other hand cost of living will be higher in the future so shopping malls will not be chosen by a high proportion of people for entertainment. It's undeniable that prices are more expensive in modern malls than in the cities. they will preferably select a park to enjoy free or cheaper facilities with their own meals instead of spending money on a ready-made meal. Shopping online will become more common in the future, however I think it could not be transformed to the main way of shopping. At the malls you can try on clothes and find your right size and touch the quality of products but in online shopping you merely see a photo of it. To conclude, although shopping malls will be used for entertainment by a number of people in the future, I firmly believe that the stores and the variety of products will keep a mall alive, not entertainment facilities.
It's argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
will be
mainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for entertainment, not to shop. Although I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
will maintain their intrinsic goal which is shopping.

An obvious increase in mall's amenities is the
first
reason for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
mall's owners want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
to have a lively atmosphere in order to attract customers. They will expand the facilities for every age. Such as amusement parks for children, computer games and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
performs for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and cinemas or theater halls for adults. You will have a wide range of fun to choose
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, all under one roof. The second reason for this subject is that for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
seasons
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their friends
mainly
for spend time with each other, not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
this pandemic, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together with my friends at the weekends in one of the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
in our town. We
usually
did a quick window
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the latest fashion
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
styles and
then we spent our rest of time discussing various subjects in the
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
, without concerning about how the weather is.

In the other hand cost of living will be higher in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
will not
be chosen
by a high proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for entertainment. It's undeniable that prices are more expensive in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
than in the cities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
will
preferably
select a park to enjoy free or cheaper facilities with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
meals
instead
of spending money on a ready-made meal.

Shopping online will become more common in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
,
however
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it could not
be transformed
to the main way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. At the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
you can try on clothes and find your right size and touch the quality of products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
you
merely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a photo of it.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for entertainment by a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, I
firmly
believe that the stores and the variety of products will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
alive, not entertainment facilities.
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IELTS essay In the future, shopping malls will be used for entrainment, not to shop.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
355 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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