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In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about the law v.20

In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about the law v. 20
The law imposed not to allow the teenagers without an adult during the night hours, ensures the safety of the guy. It is accepted by the majority population, because the crime rate is high at night and at the same time, some people stand against the law. It could be implemented all over the US states, which will drastically reduce the unlawful things. At the young age, everyone tempted to try new things and people are aggressive. They also like the night life, like spending so many hours at the pub, a guy or a girl spare time with their loved ones, which are not known by their parents. As an example, i can explain you a real life story, George was my college mate and he stayed in a hostel during his studies at Apollo college, California. He is habituated to escape from the hostel during night hours, spending time with the bad people and one day, he gets caught by the police. He was in the jail for a week, as a disciplinary action. Later, he realized his fault, but lost his academics. It is always a right idea, to keep young people under monitoring and accompanied by an adult could provide them safety as well as discipline. On the other hand, they will lose their privacy. Teenagers always wanted to try new things, someone always accompanying us is a kind of annoying action, nobody accepts particularly students. As a student's point of view, the law should be demolished, since they think it is an old age regulation. Finally, in my opinion, everyone in the country should be safe and it is government's responsibility to ensure the safety. It could not be based on the age, because the victim can be of any age and law should be updated with a few changes, that need to be consulted with the local public.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
imposed not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
without an adult during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
hours, ensures the safety of the guy. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by the majority population,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the crime rate is high at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
and at the same time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stand against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
. It could
be implemented
all over the US states, which will
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the unlawful things.

At the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, everyone tempted to try new things and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are aggressive. They
also
like the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
night life
, like spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours at the pub, a guy or a girl spare time with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones, which are not known by their parents. As an example,
Did you mean "I"?
i
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
you a real life story, George was my college
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mate and
he stayed in a hostel during his studies at Apollo college, California. He
is habituated
to escape from the hostel during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
hours, spending time with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and one day, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
caught by the police. He was in the jail for a week, as a disciplinary action. Later, he realized his fault,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
lost his academics. It is always a right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under monitoring and accompanied by an adult could provide them safety
as well
as discipline.

On the other hand
, they will lose their privacy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
always wanted to try new things, someone always accompanying us is a kind of annoying action, nobody accepts
particularly
students. As a student's point of view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
should
be demolished
, since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
regulation.

Finally
, in my opinion, everyone in the country should be safe and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's responsibility to ensure the safety. It could not
be based
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the victim can be of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
should
be updated
with a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, that need to
be consulted
with the local public.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about the law v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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