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In some parts of the world, it is becoming increasingly popular to try to find out about the history of your family. Why do people do this? Is this a negative or positive development?

In some parts of the world, it is becoming increasingly popular to try to find out about the history of your family. Why do people do this? Is this a negative or positive development? r88gm
Nowadays, the study of family history has become very popular especially after the coming of internet. There are various reasons regarding above phenomenon. I believe that positive development outweigh negative development. Some individuals argue that, collecting information about genetic diseases through the study of family history, consequently, they can cure particular health issue such as diabetes, heart problem and some forms of cancer. For example, during the survey it was found that 60% of disease are present through DNA of their parents or ancestors. Moreover, some people studying their family history to know about their roots or finding an ancestors. These kind of thinks are more popular in North America. Apart from that, another reason to find out their living relatives and cousins. The ability to trace living relatives can be also be important in tracing an heir or beneficiary. For instance, with the help of internet people are finding their relatives. On the other hand, there are a number of demerits of studying family background. First, genealogy begin as a curiosity, which become hobby and then turn as an obsession. For example, if person fails to find history of family, then they become angry and aggressive too. To add in it, people generally waste lot of time on searching family history. One people should not forget it is a present, which influence the future not a past. To encapsulate, I reiterate my opinion that benefit are more than drawback of studying the history of the family.
Nowadays, the study of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular
especially
after the coming of internet. There are various reasons regarding above phenomenon. I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development outweigh
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals argue that, collecting information about genetic diseases through the study of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
,
consequently
, they can cure particular health issue such as diabetes, heart problem and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
forms of cancer.
For example
, during the survey it
was found
that 60% of disease are present through DNA of their parents or ancestors.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
studying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
to know about their roots or finding
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an ancestor" or simply "ancestors"?
an ancestors
.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
are more popular in North America.

Apart from that, another reason to find out their living relatives and cousins. The ability to trace living relatives can be
also
Consider using a past participle here: "been".
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in tracing an heir or beneficiary.
For instance
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are finding their relatives.

On the other hand
, there are a number of demerits of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
background.
First
, genealogy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
as a curiosity, which become hobby and then turn as an obsession.
For example
, if person fails to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, then they become angry and aggressive too. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
in it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generally
waste
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
time on searching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not forget it is a present, which influence the future not a past.

To encapsulate, I reiterate my opinion that benefit are more than drawback of studying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
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IELTS essay In some parts of the world, it is becoming increasingly popular to try to find out about the history of your family. Why do people do this? Is this a negative or positive development?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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