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Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum. jRRO1
It is undeniably true that physical activity is not only essential for body but also for the brain development of the children. However, it is believed by some people that academic institutions should only focus on studies instead of any outdoor extracurricular as they reckoned that parenthood should be responsible for that. I opine that it is completely unacceptable because both parents and schools are the pillars of growth in child advancement. To begin with, in this contemporary era, it is thought by masses that children are always indulge into games and other sports activities which can affect their academic grades as they lose their interest towards book studies. Recent figures describe that about 82% of teenagers of USA wanted to make their career into sports and for that they wanted to leave their studies in between which is a huge concern for parents. Secondly, children get too tired by playing cricket, football, basketball and many more physical games that they would not be able to concentrate on tutorials. Growing instances shown that many children found sleeping in classes after practicing physical sports. On the other hand, there is a popular saying that “A healthy mind always survives in a healthy body. ”Educational institutions are the motivators which develop the sense of teamwork and sports spirit among students which cannot be done by the parents solely. Institutions build confidence among the teenagers to be positive whatever the situation is, whether they are winning or losing. In particular, a renowned Portuguese professional footballer, Cristiano Ronaldo is the living example who was encouraged by his school teacher in his childhood and gets full support from the school however; his parents were not sure about his future in football. An educational institute not only nourishes a child by honing its abilities but also ameliorates its character by enhancing its passion and guides them to fulfill their dreams. In a nutshell, it is irrefutable that parents are responsible for children’s physical development, from my book of knowledge; it is the combined responsibility of the parents and the schools.
It is
undeniably
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
essential for body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the brain development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that academic institutions should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on studies
instead
of any outdoor extracurricular as they reckoned that parenthood should be responsible for that. I opine that it is completely unacceptable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are the pillars of growth in child advancement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in this contemporary era, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by masses that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are always
Consider using a past participle here: "indulged".
indulge
into games and other sports activities which can affect their academic grades as they lose their interest towards book studies. Recent figures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
that about 82% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their career into sports and for that they wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their studies in between which is a huge concern for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
too tired by playing cricket, football, basketball and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
games that they would not be able to concentrate on tutorials. Growing instances shown that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
found sleeping in classes after practicing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
sports.

On the other hand
, there is a popular saying that “A healthy mind always survives in a healthy body.
There should be a space after a closing quote.
”Educational
institutions are the motivators which develop the sense of teamwork and sports spirit among students which cannot
be done
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
solely
. Institutions build confidence among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
whatever the situation is, whether they are winning or losing.
In particular
, a renowned Portuguese professional footballer, Cristiano Ronaldo is the living example who
was encouraged
by his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
teacher in his childhood and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
full support from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
however
; his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were not sure about his future in football. An educational institute not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
nourishes a child by honing its abilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
ameliorates its character by enhancing its passion and guides them to fulfill their dreams.

In a nutshell, it is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
development, from my book of knowledge; it is the combined responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
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IELTS essay Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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