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In some nations, the mother holds a different position from that of the father.

In some nations, the mother holds a different position from that of the father. W57qN
The women has been a beautiful creation of God, bestowed with gentleness, as well as strength. In some nations, the mother holds a different position from that of the father. In this essay, I will analyse the reasons behind it and also discuss the possible alterations of their roles in future. First of all, since ancient times there has been a variation in the role of men and women. The males have been considered strong, both mentally and physically, therefore the bread winner of the family going out for work, consequently devoting less time to the children. On the contrary, the females have always been portrayed as kind hearted, weak and also with less of the decision making skills. Therefore, they have been concentrating on the household chores, taking care of aged and children. However, this imbalance is detrimental for the growth of children; both mental and physical. Anyways, thanks to the era of women revolution and sense of gender equality, the females started working and started supporting the family financially also. Likewise, the overburdened father is relieved and able to devote ample of time to the children and helping them in studies, play and also taking care of them. For instance, nowadays paternity leaves are also allotted to men to take care of the kids, just like the maternity leaves. To recapitulate, the varying roles of both parents play a crucial part in bringing up the children. Although the story was not the same in olden days. In future, the perception of the community will change and so does the roles of both parents.
The women
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
been a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
creation of God, bestowed with gentleness,
as well
as strength. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, the mother holds a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
position from that of the father. In this essay, I will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the reasons behind it and
also
discuss the possible alterations of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, since ancient times there has been a variation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women. The males have
been considered
strong, both mentally and
physically
,
therefore
the bread winner of the family going out for work,
consequently
devoting less time to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
On the contrary
, the females have always
been portrayed
as
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
kind hearted
, weak and
also
with less of the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
, they have been concentrating on the household chores, taking care of aged and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, this imbalance is detrimental for the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
; both mental and physical.

Anyways, thanks to the era of women revolution and sense of gender equality, the females
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
supporting the family
financially
also
.
Likewise
, the overburdened father
is relieved
and able to devote ample of time to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and helping them in studies, play and
also
taking care of them.
For instance
, nowadays paternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
are
also
allotted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
to take care of the kids,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like the maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
.

To recapitulate, the varying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
of both parents play a crucial part in bringing up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
the story was not the same in olden days.
Did you mean: "In the future"?
In future
, the perception of the community will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
does the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
of both parents.
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IELTS essay In some nations, the mother holds a different position from that of the father.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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