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In some nations, parents say to their children that if they fight for something

In some nations, parents say to their children that if they fight for something X7dVO
In some nations, parents say to their children that if they fight for something, they can achieve that thing definitely. While these sentences have so many profits, but in some occasion isn’t true at all. One of the important profits that this phrase give to the child is encouragement. The encouragement help young people that believe if they try hard, they can achieve what they want although they receive that too late. Besides, this message nurture children with hardworking habit. They know that from their childhood they must work hard for their purpose to achieve that. These things create an extraordinary mentality that all persons have hardworking habit and also, they hope that they reach their goal even they fail so many times. Because of these important things, some parents think it’s better to tell this message to their children. On the other hand, this sentence has many destructive affects. With this mentality, people even in their adulthood believe with try so hard they could have everything. However, so many things in this world couldn’t attain only with hardworking. The other factors like chance, social status, money, … will affect. For example, so many people want to be rich but without chance it isn’t possible to be a rich man. A person after fail to many times transform to a depressed person. In conclusion, this message has so many advantages like give children encouragement and create hardworking mentality. On another side, if people have faith to this sentence, they will be depressed after failing so many times.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, parents say to their children that if they fight for something, they can achieve that thing definitely. While these sentences have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
profits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasion isn’t true at all.

One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
profits that this phrase give to the child is encouragement. The encouragement
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "helps".
help
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that believe if they try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, they can achieve what they want although they receive that too late.
Besides
, this message nurture children with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hardworking
habit. They know that from their childhood they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for their purpose to achieve that. These things create an extraordinary mentality that all persons have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hardworking
habit and
also
, they hope that they reach their goal even they fail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it’s better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
this message to their children.

On the other hand
, this sentence has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
destructive affects. With this mentality,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even in their adulthood believe with try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
they could have everything.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things in this world couldn’t attain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hardworking
. The other factors like chance, social status, money, … will affect.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to be rich
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without chance it isn’t possible to be a rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. A person after fail to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times transform to a depressed person.

In conclusion
, this message has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages like give children encouragement and create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hardworking
mentality. On another side, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have faith to this sentence, they will
be depressed
after failing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times.
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IELTS essay In some nations, parents say to their children that if they fight for something

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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