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Because of the progress in medicine, people are living longer now. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

Because of the progress in medicine, people are living longer now. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? 9B1rp
For every period of history, humanity has tried to find the way to immortality. There is a fact that people's life expectancy is increasing due to medical development. This essay will discuss the positive and negative aspects of a long life. On the one hand, an upward trend of life expectancy shows higher life living standards in the country. That means that there is scientific advancement, especially in medicine and (healthcare), which helps aids people in staying healthy as long as possible. Hence, this fact makes life in this country safer and more attractive. For example, in such developed countries as Japan and the USA there are 29 and 24 percent of people older than 65 years respectively in 2021. Thus, a high percentage of the older population indicates good living conditions in the country. On the other hand, the growth of the older population leads to negative changings changes in the economic sphere. That is because older people often cannot work and they live on the government's financial resources, which in its turn are provided by taxes. Therefore, the more people who get older the more taxes should be paid to the government by younger generations. For example, the United Nations in 2018 predicted that every sixth person in the world will be older than 65 years by the beginning of 2050, which means that every 2 workable people will "support" at least one elderly person. In other words, an increase in the number of the old population leads to financial burdens for the working population. In conclusion, although a rise of in life expectancy is an important indicator of countries' development, I think that economic problems caused by this phenomenon are critical
For every period of history, humanity has tried to find the way to immortality. There is a fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy is increasing due to medical development. This essay will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of a long life.

On the one hand, an upward trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
living standards in the country. That means that there is scientific advancement,
especially
in medicine and (healthcare), which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
aids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in staying healthy as long as possible.
Hence
, this fact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in this country safer and more attractive.
For example
, in such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
as Japan and the USA there are 29 and 24 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
than 65 years
respectively
in 2021.
Thus
, a high percentage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
population indicates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
living conditions in the country.

On the other hand
, the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
population leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake found.
changings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the economic sphere.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cannot
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's financial resources, which in its turn
are provided
by taxes.
Therefore
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
the more taxes should
be paid
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
by younger generations.
For example
, the United Nations in 2018 predicted that every sixth person in the world will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
than 65 years by the beginning of 2050, which means that every 2
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
support
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
at least one elderly person.
In other words
, an increase in the number of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
population leads to financial burdens for the working population.

In conclusion
, although a rise of in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
indicator of countries' development, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that economic problems caused by this phenomenon are critical
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IELTS essay Because of the progress in medicine, people are living longer now. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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