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In some cultures, the old age is more valued, while in some cultures the youth is more valued. Discuss both views and give your own opinion? v.1

In some cultures, the old age is more valued, while in some cultures the youth is more valued. v. 1
In the modern world, although old age is respectable in many cultures, because of experience and knowledge of elderly people, others feel that youth is more valuable, because it gives a plethora of opportunities for individuals, such as healthier body and fresh mind. Personally, I reckon that juvenility should be more valued. First and foremost, the main advantage of adolescence is energy. Due to vitality, young people can accomplish their purposes faster than elderly people. A good illustration of this is a learning process, because it is widely known that acquiring new skills for adults can be challenging, especially new technologies, whereas young people can cope with it. Secondly, there is an opinion that due to health, adolescence is more respectable than old age, because health is our main wealth. Consequently, poor health force old people to take care of their well-being. For example, because of poor health, elderly people often visit hospitals and resorts. On the other hand, some cultures value old age because of experience and knowledge. In this regard, older people can share their experience, and direct the young generation to the right path. To illustrate, they can teach young people how to overcome obstacles. Furthermore, they have a chance to enjoy the life, when they get a pension age. It is widely accepted that young people work hard in order to run their livelihood. As a result, they have no time to enjoy the life, while elderly people can concentrate on their family and hobbies. For example, many old people are keen to play chess in order to spend their spare time. In conclusion, although old age is more valued in many cultures, others feel that youth is a period of life, which people can realize their potential. In this reason, I believe that adolescence should be respected.
In the modern world, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is respectable in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cultures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of experience and knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, others feel that youth is more valuable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives a plethora of opportunities for individuals, such as healthier body and fresh mind.
Personally
, I reckon that
Possible spelling mistake found.
juvenility
should be more valued.

First
and foremost, the main advantage of adolescence is energy. Due to vitality,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can accomplish their purposes faster than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is a learning process,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
widely
known that acquiring new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for adults can be challenging,
especially
new technologies, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can cope with it.
Secondly
, there is an opinion that due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, adolescence is more respectable than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is our main wealth.
Consequently
, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take care of their well-being.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
visit hospitals and resorts.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultures value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of experience and knowledge. In this regard, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can share their experience, and direct the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation to the right path. To illustrate, they can teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
how to overcome obstacles.
Furthermore
, they have a chance to enjoy the life, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a pension
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. It is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in order to run their livelihood.
As a result
, they have no time to enjoy the life, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can concentrate on their family and hobbies.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to play chess in order to spend their spare time.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is more valued in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cultures, others feel that youth is a period of life, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can realize their potential. In this reason, I believe that adolescence should
be respected
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some cultures, the old age is more valued, while in some cultures the youth is more valued. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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