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In some cultures old people are valued more while in others youngsters are cconsider more valuable. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

In some cultures old people are valued more while in others youngsters are cconsider more valuable. v. 2
As age plays an increasingly more central part of our lives, it has been suggested that there has been more value to the people based on age. It is often argued that elderly people are more important than millennial. However, in my opinion young people should be given more importance, and this essay will analyze both the sides of the spectrum and draw the conclusion. Even though youngsters has the main role to play in coming future, it would be foolish to not to recognize the importance of past generation people who taught us the basic of culture and share their impeccable knowledge. In most of the countries age plays a significant factor to be considered for leadership qualities, as matured people have more experience than youth. This has been exemplified in inclining number of people who have been designated as higher authorities in many corporate sectors. One reason behind this happening is, they have more hands-on experience on the industry when compared to present generation. Anyway this is one side of the coin. On the other hand, it is an irrefutable fact that the future of the world is in the hands of iGeneration. As we can see, that the numbers are overwhelming in certain demographic regions they are often called as countries driven by youth. These are considered as the asset of the culture, as they carry the sentiments and knowledge to the next generations. When it comes to decision-making in many areas juveniles can think more maturely than graying generation. This can be seen in many military operations, that numbers of commanders are under 30-35 years, this is because, at this age they can take instant decisions which can mitigate the risk. These are the ultra prominent reasons that are put forward younger than old people. Despite there are many speculations around the age factor for the consideration of valuable resources. I opine that youngsters should be considered more valued; because, today’s youth are tomorrow’s leaders.
As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
plays an
increasingly
more central part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, it has
been suggested
that there has been more value to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than millennial.
However
, in my opinion young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more importance, and this essay will analyze both the sides of the spectrum and draw the conclusion.

Even though
youngsters has the main role to play in coming future, it would be foolish
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
recognize the importance of past generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who taught us the basic of culture and share their impeccable knowledge. In most of the countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
plays a significant factor to
be considered
for leadership qualities, as matured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more experience than youth. This has
been exemplified
in inclining number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
been designated
as higher authorities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
corporate sectors. One reason behind this happening is, they have more hands-on experience on the industry when compared to present generation. Anyway this is one side of the coin.

On the other hand
, it is an irrefutable fact that the future of the world is in the hands of
Possible spelling mistake found.
iGeneration
. As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, that the numbers are overwhelming in certain demographic regions they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
called as countries driven by youth. These
are considered
as the asset of the culture, as they carry the sentiments and knowledge to the
next
generations.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to decision-making in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas juveniles can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
more
maturely
than graying generation. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
military operations, that numbers of commanders are under 30-35 years, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
they can take instant decisions which can mitigate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. These are the ultra prominent reasons that
are put
forward younger than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Despite there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
speculations around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
factor for the consideration of valuable resources. I opine that youngsters should
be considered
more valued;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s youth are tomorrow’s leaders.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some cultures old people are valued more while in others youngsters are cconsider more valuable. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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