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In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

It’s an accepted fact that many cultures are told the children that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. This message is good to motivates children in real life, that they must to work harder to raise what they want. But sometimes there are situation that make this message have negative impact for children. From the one side, this message is useful for everyone especially for children, cause this message told them to be more productive in their live, doing a good activity and always have a positive thinking on the future of their live. After take the message the children will applied the message in their activity, make them always encourage their skill and do a positive activity. Example, when this message is giving to the children, especialy who want to be a soccer players in the future, so this message will always support them to practice to play soccer every day. And when he down, he will remember this message and it can make them up again to doing more practice. On the other side, giving children this message have negative impact in some situations. As we know, that it is not always easy to raise or get what we want in the world. Especially when we grow in mature, that we should be an independent people, when there are many problems that we should face. If this message is implayed, people can be tired and will get depression because they cannot get what they want. In conclusion, this message can bring a positive impact when we use this to motivate ourself. But when we didn’t seeing the reality of life and always trust only to this message and didn’t compare, it will make us feel depressed because we cannot control the whole world as we need.
It’s an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
fact that
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many
cultures are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that they can achieve anything if they try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in real life, that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
to work harder to raise what they want.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
there are situation that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact for children.

From the one side, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
is useful for everyone
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, cause this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
them to be more productive in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, doing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
activity and always have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thinking on the future of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. After take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will applied the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
in their activity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them always encourage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and do a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
activity. Example, when this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
is giving to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especialy
who want to be a soccer players in the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
will always support them to practice to play soccer every day. And when he down, he will remember this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
and it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them up again to doing more practice.

On the other side, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations. As we know, that it is not always easy to raise or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what we want in the world.
Especially
when we grow in mature, that we should be an independent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, when there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems that we should face. If this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
is implayed
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
be tired
and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they want.

In conclusion
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
can bring a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this to motivate ourself.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when we didn’t seeing the reality of life and always trust
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
and didn’t compare, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us feel depressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we cannot control the whole world as we need.
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IELTS essay In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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