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in some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message

Instructing the children that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough is very crucial and essential. They must be learnt during their very early childhood that working hard is the only way to get what they want. I do believe the only thing works in our lives is hard work. For achievements of your life goals and aims, we must work hard, seriously, and continously. These non stopped efforts are the gate to get our dreams done. Hard work has its own advantages, it gives the life its real meaning. Leisure means nothing, it evaporates like an illusion. However, the results of hard work will persist forever. For example, to be a professional tennis player, you need continous efforts, patient and training. In addition, you must be able to face and overcome challenges, never to surrender or stop trying hard. You must use all your capabilities and skills to reach the destiny you want and never to allow any one to suppress your desire or will, whatever were the circumstances. During your harsh journey for achievement of your goals and turning your dreams into reality, you must be optimistic even if every thing went against you. Any one must deeply understand that nothing works but hard work. On the other hand, working hard all the time has also its own disadvantages. It may deprive you from spending time with your family members and friends, practicing your favorite sport, watching television series, or do any recreational activities like shopping. Therefore, Life is like a bicycle, you must keep balance to keep going. My advice to everyone to keep balance between his work and his private life.
Instructing the children that they can achieve anything if they try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial and essential. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Possible spelling mistake. ‘learnt’ is British English.
learnt
during their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early childhood that working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they want. I do believe the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing works in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. For achievements of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goals and aims, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
,
seriously
, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
continously
. These non
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
efforts are the gate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
our dreams done.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages, it gives the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
its real meaning. Leisure means nothing, it evaporates like an illusion.
However
, the results of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will persist forever.
For example
, to be a professional tennis player, you need
Possible spelling mistake found.
continous
efforts, patient and training.
In addition
, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be able to face and overcome challenges, never to surrender or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
. You
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
all your capabilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to reach the destiny you want and never to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
Did you mean “anyone”?
any one
to suppress your desire or will, whatever were the circumstances. During your harsh journey for achievement of your goals and turning your dreams into reality, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be optimistic even if every thing went against you.
Did you mean “Anyone”?
Any one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
deeply
understand that nothing works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
On the other hand
, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
all the time has
also
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
disadvantages. It may
The usual collocation for “deprive” is “of”, not “you”. Did you mean “deprive you of”?
deprive you from
spending time with your family members and friends, practicing your favorite sport, watching television series, or do any recreational activities like shopping.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
is like a bicycle, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
balance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
going. My advice to everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
balance between his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and his private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay in some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
277 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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