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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

It’s an accepted fact that many cultures are told the children that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. This message is good to motivates children in real life, that they must to work harder to raise what they want. But sometimes there are situation that make this message have negative impact for children. From the one side, this message is useful for everyone especially for children, cause this message told them to be more productive in their live, doing a good activity and always have a positive thinking on the future of their live. After take the message the children will applied the message in their activity, make them always encourage their skill and do a positive activity. Example, when this message is giving to the children, especialy who want to be a soccer players in the future, so this message will always support them to practice to play soccer every day. And when he down, he will remember this message and it can make them up again to doing more practice. On the other side, giving children this message have negative impact in some situations. As we know, that it is not always easy to raise or get what we want in the world. Especially when we grow in mature, that we should be an independent people, when there are many problems that we should face. If this message is implayed, people can be tired and will get depression because they cannot get what they want. In conclusion, this message can bring a positive impact when we use this to motivate ourself. But when we didn’t seeing the reality of life and always trust only to this message and didn’t compare, it will make us feel depressed because we cannot control the whole world as we need.
It’s an
accepted
fact that
many
cultures are
told
the
children
that they can achieve anything if they try
hard
enough
. This
message
is
good
to motivates
children
in real life, that they
must
to work harder to raise what they want.
But
sometimes
there are situation that
make
this
message
have
negative
impact for children.

From the one side, this
message
is useful for everyone
especially
for
children
, cause this
message
told
them to be more productive in their
live
, doing a
good
activity and always have a
positive
thinking on the future of their
live
. After take the
message
the
children
will applied the
message
in their activity,
make
them always encourage their
skill
and do a
positive
activity. Example, when this
message
is giving to the
children
,
especialy
who want to be a soccer players in the future,
so
this
message
will always support them to practice to play soccer every day. And when he down, he will remember this
message
and it can
make
them up again to doing more practice.

On the other side, giving
children
this
message
have
negative
impact in
some
situations. As we know, that it is not always easy to raise or
get
what we want in the world.
Especially
when we grow in mature, that we should be an independent
people
, when there are
many
problems that we should face. If this
message
is implayed
,
people
can
be tired
and will
get
depression
because
they cannot
get
what they want.

In conclusion
, this
message
can bring a
positive
impact when we
use
this to motivate ourself.
But
when we didn’t seeing the reality of life and always trust
only
to this
message
and didn’t compare, it will
make
us feel depressed
because
we cannot control the whole world as we need.
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IELTS essay In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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