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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? 5RnN
In this concurrent world, it is undoubtedly true that hard work is the vital key of success and only through the hard work people can fulfill their dreams and children were being taught the same thing. Every coin has two sides, like wise this is also have merits and demerits. However, I propound that merits outnumber the demerits. Nowadays, Goals make hard work inevitable. People should do work their ass off until they reach their desire place. Various evidences can be given to bolster my stand. The top notch concrete reason is parents teach children the value and manner for working hard make their life piece of cake. When children learn never give up attitude from childhood make then a wise person. There are no shortcut to make life better. Another rationale which hauls me to patron is children are the future of the next generation. If the foundation is hard and strong, then there is no possibility to fall the infrastructure of the future. Achieving the dreams is hard nut to crake but positive and unbreakable perspective can help to ease it. The rearmost factor to be consider which cannot be neglected is every parents want their children to be successful and happy. If their children gain the needs and goals then they will be happy with their deeds which can help to establish their bright future along with their country’s future. What is half full for some, may appears half empty to others. Some people tends to distinguish that too much hard work may appear some negative effects on their children which has multifarious reasons. To commence with, some people deem that after very hard effort when children cannot achieve their goal, they get depressed and this let them to very dangerous situation. They stop to believe in themselves and lost faith. In recapitulation, I reiterate that there are innumerable factors supporting the bright side of the hard work. However, its contrary can be overlooked or controlled. Consequently, I stand with the advantages of the statement.
In this concurrent world, it is
undoubtedly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the vital key of success and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can fulfill their dreams and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were
being taught
the same thing. Every coin has two sides, like wise this is
also
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
merits and demerits.
However
, I propound that merits outnumber the demerits.

Nowadays, Goals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
inevitable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
their ass off until they reach their desire place. Various evidences can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to bolster my stand. The
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top notch
concrete reason is parents teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the value and manner for working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their life piece of cake.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn never give up attitude from childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
then a wise person. There are no
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "shortcuts"?
shortcut
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
life better. Another rationale which hauls me to patron is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the future of the
next
generation. If the foundation is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and strong, then there is no possibility to fall the infrastructure of the future. Achieving the dreams is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
nut to
Possible spelling mistake found.
crake
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and unbreakable perspective can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
it. The rearmost factor to be
Consider using a past participle here: "considered".
consider
which cannot
be neglected
is every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "parent"?
parents
want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be successful and happy. If their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
gain the needs and goals then they will be happy with their deeds which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to establish their bright future along with their country’s future.

What is half full for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, may appears half empty to others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
tends
to distinguish that too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
may appear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which has multifarious reasons. To commence with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deem that after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
effort when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot achieve their goal, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depressed and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situation. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to believe in themselves and lost faith.

In recapitulation, I reiterate that there are innumerable factors supporting the bright side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
However
, its contrary can
be overlooked
or controlled.
Consequently
, I stand with the advantages of the statement.
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Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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