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Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. jAwy
Nowadays, many people spend a long time on commuting every day, especially in big cities. Some people argue that the park and gardens in downtown areas should be replaced with apartment buildings in order to reduce the commuting time. In my opinion, this is possibly a viable solution, but there are other better options. Constructing more apartment buildings in the city center will provide more accommendations near people's workplace. In modern city, most companies are located in city center, where the land is limited and many employees couldn't afford to rent or buy a house there. Replacing the leisure places with apartment buildings will create more accommendations, which might drive down the house price a little bit and allow more people living in downtown as well. Thus, those people can live near their company and reduce time for traveling between company and home. However, the opponents may argue that reducing the number of parks and gardens may have an adverse impact for the living standards in city center, which may cause some people do not want to live in city center anymore. Gardens and parks are good places for people to relax after working or studing for a whole day. Some people may think those places are important for them in their hectic everyday life, and they would rather move away from city center which does not provide leisure facilities to pursuit better living quality. For those people, their commuting time may even increase after this change. In my opinion, replacing gardens and parks with apartments may help some people to save time on traveling between home and workplace, but this method does not apply to people who emphsis more on their living quality and enjoy going to parks and gardens. I think there are better choices to solve this problem. For example, the government can increase the expenditure on the construction of public transportation system and encourage citizens to try public transport instead of driving their own cars. In this way, there will be less traffic jam and the commuting time for people will be reduced.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on commuting every day,
especially
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gardens
in downtown areas should
be replaced
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
buildings in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the commuting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In my opinion, this is
possibly
a viable solution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are other better options.

Constructing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
buildings in the city center will provide more
Possible spelling mistake found.
accommendations
near
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's workplace. In modern city, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are located
in city center, where the land
is limited
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees couldn't afford to rent or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
there. Replacing the leisure places with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
buildings will create more
Possible spelling mistake found.
accommendations
, which might drive down the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
price a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in downtown
as well
.
Thus
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
near their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for traveling between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and home.

However
, the opponents may argue that reducing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gardens
may have an adverse impact for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards in city center, which may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in city center anymore.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Gardens
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
places for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to relax after working or
Possible spelling mistake found.
studing
for a whole day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
those places are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them in their hectic everyday life, and they would
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
away from city center which does not provide leisure facilities to pursuit better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
quality. For those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, their commuting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
may even increase after this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

In my opinion, replacing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gardens
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on traveling between home and workplace,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this method does not apply to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Possible spelling mistake found.
emphsis
more on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
quality and enjoy going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gardens
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are better choices to solve this problem.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can increase the expenditure on the construction of public transportation system and encourage citizens to try public transport
instead
of driving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cars. In this way, there will be less traffic jam and the commuting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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