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In some culture, children are often told that they can anything if try hard enough. Describe the advantage or disadvantage of this belief

In some culture, children are often told that they can anything if try hard enough. Describe the advantage or disadvantage of this belief G3Xpo
One of the most popular proverb that goes by is "Nothing is impossible". Which resembles with the message that children can achieve anything if they want. Most often this kind of messages gives the children motivation to move forward with there lives, which is really important for them to try out new paths in their life. But unexpected results can surprise or depress them mentally and physically. There was a time, when people only dreamed about going to the moon, now landing on mars. Admittedly, this didn't happen only the basis of belief, but also with the technical developments which acquired by hard works of scientists and engineers. Believing that mankind can do anything is the positive attitude that needed to grow from our birth, since we are the smartest and intelligent animal of all time. Children who trust this theory will try out new things in thier life to see if they can do it or not. Eventually they will end up with some profession which suits them most. The feeling of fullfillment comes from the satisfaction of living by doing what they love. Even if there is a lot of success stories about experimenting with life, there are even higher rate of faliure story which goes unnoticed everyday. This belive stimulates children to try hard for the goals or visions they might have seen. But when their plan goes sideways, they started to take some dangerous decisios which leads them to even death. We might ask, why death? Because, when some people started to believe that they can do anything by hard work, they try to achieve it with all their life and clearly this become their purpose of living in this world. Suddenly, when the result doesn't match with their expectation they lose the hope of living and try to end their life. This happens everyday in our society which goes down under the success stories. Despite of having disvantages for believing this proverb, children tend to believe this unknowingly and some of them make a way to the top of the industry or government body. I still believe, positive thoughts can improve anyones life.
One of the most popular proverb that goes by is
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Nothing is impossible
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. Which resembles with the message that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can achieve anything if they want. Most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
this kind of messages gives the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
motivation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward with
Did you mean "their"?
there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, which is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them to try out new paths in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
unexpected results can surprise or depress them mentally and
physically
.

There was a time, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
dreamed about going to the moon,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
landing on
The planet and the god are written with uppercase. 'mars' refers to the verb 'mar' meaning to spoil, or the plural of the noun 'mar' meaning blemishes.
mars
.
Admittedly
, this didn't happen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the basis of belief,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
with the technical developments which acquired by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
works of scientists and engineers. Believing that mankind can do anything is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude that needed to grow from our birth, since we are the smartest and intelligent animal of all time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who trust this theory will try out new things in
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
if they can do it or not.
Eventually
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
profession which suits them most. The feeling of
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullfillment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the satisfaction of living by doing what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.

Even if there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
success stories about experimenting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, there are even higher rate of
Possible spelling mistake found.
faliure
story which goes unnoticed
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
belive
stimulates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the goals or visions they might have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when their plan goes sideways, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
Possible spelling mistake found.
decisios
which leads them to even death. We might ask
If " why" starts an indirect question, you do not need to put a comma before it.
, why
death?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to believe that they can do anything by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, they try to achieve it with all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
clearly
this become their purpose of living in this world.

Suddenly
, when the result doesn't match with their expectation they lose the hope of living and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
. This happens
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
in our society which goes down under the success stories.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
having
Possible spelling mistake found.
disvantages
for believing this proverb,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to believe this
unknowingly
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a way to the top of the industry or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
body. I
still
believe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thoughts can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Possible spelling mistake found.
anyones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay In some culture, children are often told that they can anything if try hard enough. Describe the advantage or disadvantage of this belief

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
358 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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