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Write a narrative essay about a risk you have taken.

Write a narrative essay about a risk you have taken. VPJ2m
When I was 12 years old, I drowned once but luckily I was saved and since then I started to fear water. I never thought I would learn to swim, but I couldn't imagine that when I went to university swimming was a compulsory subject. I had to accept and learn how to pass it. It was an opportunity for me to get rid of my obsession, so I decided to try and to study swimming with determination. Learning to swim is not as easy and smooth as I thought. The first day of swimming lessons I thought it would be OK and I would do it. When I saw the swimming pool, I felt nervous and scared because memories of that drowning came flooding back. After warming up and learning some basic skills we went down to the pool to practice. When I stepped into the pool I panicked and jumped up in panic. I kept calling for help and slamming my hands into the water, maybe because the obsession is really too big. My teacher came to get me out of the pool and wait for me to calm down. I told him about my obsession and then he took my hand and gently led me back to the pool. I felt more secure with his enthusiasm, but in the end I still couldn't do it. After a week of studying, I still can't get into the water and I'm starting to want to give up. My teacher found a friend who also has the obsession like me and arranged for the two of us to learn the extra tutoring in the evening. She is a very beautiful girl with the hair is long and glossy black, so she looks very gentle. She and I ate dinner and practiced together; we understood each other's feelings and always encouraged each other to try. We became friends and now we are still best friends. We used to cry together from fear and also happy because we bravely faced our obsession. She and my teacher are two people that I'm really grateful for because they've always been by my side. After two months, we were able to get into the water by ourselves without the help of the teacher, and we started to do basic movements for swimming such as kicking our feet, fanning our arms and holding our breath. I find it more and more interesting every day, not scary anymore. The hard study eventually paid off, after six months, I completely overcame my previous fear and become a proficient swimmer. I'm so happy and proud for that I thought I couldn't do it. Really facing the fear is extremely difficult, but if we don't try we won't know the wonderful things it can bring. I feel really lucky and happy to have my family, my teacher and my friends to help me.
When I was 12 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, I drowned once
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
luckily I
was saved
and since then I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. I never
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thought
I would learn to swim,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I couldn't imagine that when I went to university swimming was a compulsory subject. I had to accept and learn how to pass it. It was an opportunity for me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obsession
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I decided to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
to study swimming with determination. Learning to swim is not as easy and smooth as I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thought
. The
first
day of swimming lessons I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thought
it would be OK and I would do it. When I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the swimming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pool
, I felt nervous and scared
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
memories of that drowning came flooding back. After warming up and learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
we went down to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pool
to practice. When I stepped into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pool
I panicked and jumped up in panic. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
calling for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and slamming my hands into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, maybe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obsession
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
came to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
me out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pool
and wait for me to calm down. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
him about my
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
obsession and
then he took my hand and
gently
led me back to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pool
. I felt more secure with his enthusiasm,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
I
still
couldn't do it. After a week of studying, I
still
can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
and I'm starting to want to give up.

My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
found a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
who
also
has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obsession
like me and arranged for the two of us to learn the extra tutoring in the evening. She is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
girl with the hair is long and glossy black,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she looks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
gentle. She and I ate dinner and practiced together; we understood each other's feelings and always encouraged each other to try. We became
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we are
still
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cry together from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fear
and
also
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
bravely
faced our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obsession
. She and my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
are two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that I'm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
grateful for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they've always been by my side. After two months, we were able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
by ourselves without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
, and we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to do basic movements for swimming such as kicking our feet, fanning our arms and holding our breath. I find it more and more interesting every day, not scary anymore.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
study
eventually
paid off, after six months, I completely overcame my previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fear
and become a proficient swimmer. I'm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
happy and proud for that I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thought
I couldn't do it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Really
facing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fear
is
extremely
difficult,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if we don't try we won't know the wonderful things it can bring. I feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
lucky and happy to have my family, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me.
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IELTS essay Write a narrative essay about a risk you have taken.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
483 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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