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In some countries, young people taking a year gap to work or travel between finishing high school and starting university. What are advantages and disadvantages?

In some countries, young people taking a year gap to work or travel between finishing high school and starting university. What are advantages and disadvantages? jQEpX
Teenagers take a gap in the middle of their graduating time from school and initiate their next step of study, in some countries. They can see other places while they travel also they can get experience if they work however there are also some drawbacks to be taken into account. On the one hand, there are some benefits to take a year break after finishing school. Firstly, if someone work during their pause time they would gain experience. Most importantly, that person can gather part of their university costs. For example, my older brother took a year gap between the time he finished school in order to have some of university expenses. Secondly, traveling is also good in spare time. As one of my friends went to turkey when he graduated from school. Although it costs him a little bit money, he learned new language and fresh his mind. On the other hand, beside above upsides there are also some downsides to be considered. One major problem is that when someone take 12 months gap during that time he/she leave studying. Resulting in to forget lots of their lessons. For instance, one of my classmates took a year gap now he is struggling with lots of easy subjects. Another problem, even though while traveling we learn lots of things, it can cost lots of money when we go traveling we spend lots of money including our university costs. Which has resulted to force us to leave studying. In conclusion, while taking a year gap is good for our experience, it can lead us to leave university.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
in the middle of

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
their
graduating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and initiate their
next
step of study, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
other places while they travel
also
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
experience if they work
however
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to
be taken
into account.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
break after finishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Firstly
, if someone work during their pause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they would gain experience. Most
importantly
, that person can gather part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
.
For example
, my older brother took a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
he finished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in order to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
expenses.
Secondly
, traveling is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. As one of my friends went to turkey when he graduated from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Although it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
him a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
money, he learned new language and fresh his mind.

On the other hand
, beside above upsides there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides to
be considered
. One major problem is that when someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "takes", "took".
take
12 months
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
during that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
he/she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
studying. Resulting in to forget
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of their lessons.
For instance
, one of my classmates took a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he is struggling with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of easy subjects. Another problem,
even though
while traveling we learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of things, it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of money when we go traveling we spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of money including our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
has resulted to force us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
studying.

In conclusion
, while taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our experience, it can lead us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
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IELTS essay In some countries, young people taking a year gap to work or travel between finishing high school and starting university. What are advantages and disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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