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In some countries, young people at the age of 18 are considered adults and can drive a car, vote and get married, while other countries don't allow it. What age do you think is the best to be considered an adult? v.1

In some countries, young people at the age of 18 are considered adults and can drive a car, vote and get married, while other countries don't allow it. What age do you think is the best to be considered an adult? v. 1
In recent years, advertisements are becoming more and more popular in the marketing of services and products. I think advertisements can have both - positive and negative effects. The first advantage of advertising is that it can bring a lot of benefits. So, advertisement generates a diversity of employment opportunities. It provides a career for people who prepare the content of advertisements, design logos or brand awareness for companies. Without this market sector, we would have higher unemployment in the world. Another advantage of advertising is that it can promote brand, spread awareness of the messages about products and then products should reach potential consumers, it would attract more customers. Also, by advertising, customers could find out about newly launched products. And as a result, people could select from the bigger choice of products and could know more detailed information about products However, advertising also has some disadvantages. First of all, there are some technology companies which are collecting data about costumers such as your browsing history or your emails to electronic companies to guide your behaviour on the Internet for commercial purposes. Secondly, there are some brands which influence consumer psychology and trigger memories of childhood or Christmas. As a result, people feel under pressure to buy those brands’ products. Lastly, advertisers often focus on selling a brand image rather than the quality of products by using famous and successful people. Then, customers can be manipulated by the misleading, eye-catching image of influence and they will be likely to spend more money and follow the latest trend. In conclusion, advertisements have some positive effects on customers and marketing companies, but it also has some negative effects for customers such as boost sales (when customers spend more money) or celebrity endorsement (when customers are manipulated).
In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are becoming more and more popular in the marketing of services and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can have both
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

The
first
advantage of advertising is that it can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
generates a diversity of employment opportunities. It provides a career for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who prepare the content of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, design logos or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
awareness for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. Without this market sector, we would have higher unemployment in the world. Another advantage of advertising is that it can promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
, spread awareness of the messages about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
should reach potential consumers, it would attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
.
Also
, by advertising,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
could find out about
newly
launched
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. And
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could select from the bigger choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and could know more detailed information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
However
, advertising
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which are collecting data about costumers such as your browsing history or your emails to electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to guide your
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
on the Internet for commercial purposes.
Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
which influence consumer psychology and trigger memories of childhood or Christmas.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel under pressure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Lastly
, advertisers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
focus on selling a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
image
rather
than the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
by using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
can
be manipulated
by the misleading, eye-catching image of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
influence and
they will be likely to spend more money and follow the latest trend.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
and marketing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
such as boost sales (when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
spend more money) or celebrity endorsement (when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
are manipulated
).
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, young people at the age of 18 are considered adults and can drive a car, vote and get married, while other countries don't allow it. What age do you think is the best to be considered an adult? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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