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In some countries there are more young people choosing to enroll in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enroll in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? EN6Yr
Going to university is becoming less popular among young people in some countries, and often they choose to give a preference to vocational trainings instead. POSITION. In my opinion, university studies are important for building a successful career, so it is much more beneficial than taking up on-the-job training. It is clear that training in the workplace saves much time, which can be spent more efficiently. For example, there is no need to spend several years at university to get a degree and one can focus purely on areas they want to grow in and develop. It leads to getting fast results, which is also important in today's world where reacting fast is one of the positive characteristic of a person. Another further benefit is apprenticeship gives more hands-on experience rather than theory. It results in better outcomes since more success is due to decisions successfully implemented into practice. However, some companies are not ready to spend their resources on teaching their workers, but prefer university graduates instead. For example, most companies in Ukraine prefer to have an employee with a higher education degree since it underlines such abilities as coping with stress, uncertainty, deadlines which may be developed during obtaining their diploma. As a result, less career opportunities are available for those who choose vocational trainings. Moreover, skipping tertiary educations also means loosing a chance to learn other subjects, even if they are only theory-based. It gives more background and makes students more erudite. Consequently, such young people are deprived of an opportunity to learn versatile subjects which can influence a choice of their future profession as well. To conclude, clearly there are lots of advantages to starting a career with an on-the-job training. However, if to take into account demands of many employers and requirements, attending university definitely is more valuable and gives more opportunities.
Going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is becoming less popular among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
they choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a preference to vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trainings
instead
. POSITION. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
studies are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for building a successful career,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is much more beneficial than taking up on-the-job training.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
in the workplace saves much time, which can
be spent
more
efficiently
.
For example
, there is no need to spend several years at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a degree and one can focus
purely
on areas they want to grow in and develop. It leads to getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
results, which is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world where reacting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
characteristic of a person. Another
further
benefit is apprenticeship
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
more hands-on experience
rather
than theory. It results in better outcomes since more success is due to decisions
successfully
implemented into practice.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are not ready to spend their resources on teaching their workers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates
instead
.
For example
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in Ukraine prefer to have an employee with a higher education degree since it underlines such abilities as coping with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, uncertainty, deadlines which may
be developed
during obtaining their diploma.
As a result
, less career opportunities are available for those who choose vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trainings
.
Moreover
, skipping tertiary educations
also
means loosing a chance to learn other subjects, even if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
theory-based. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
more background and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
students more erudite.
Consequently
, such young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are deprived
of an opportunity to learn versatile subjects which can influence a choice of their future profession
as well
.

To conclude
,
clearly
there are lots of advantages to starting a career with an on-the-job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
.
However
, if to take into account demands of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers and requirements, attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
definitely is more valuable and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
more opportunities.
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IELTS essay In some countries there are more young people choosing to enroll in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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