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In some countries, the retirement age has been delayed so older people can continue working. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, the retirement age has been delayed so older people can continue working. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? eKD3K
As the healthcare sector improves, life expectancy is getting longer. This encourages some countries to extend their retirement age and allow older people to work past retirement. Although some may consider this as a negative development, I believe that the advantages are greater. To begin with, delaying retirement age may have some detrimental impacts on older people and society. One argument commonly put forward is that older employees may develop some health issues, which can have a damaging effect on their performance. Because of deteriorating physical condition, older workers may have difficulty fulfilling their duties, especially those which require more time and effort. For instance, in some countries with a rapidly aging population, older workers have to reduce hours of work as mental and physical capacity has decreased. Another point to consider is that delayed retirement might have a negative effect on youth employment since there are only limited job vacancies for younger applicants. Hence, working past retirement age may worsen older people’s work self-efficacy and economy. Despite the arguments mentioned above, I contend that prolonged retirement has more advantages. Contrary to the belief that delayed retirement worsens old people’s health, working past retirement age may help older people live longer because of social engagement. As senior citizens are more socially engaged at work, they do not feel isolated and this helps them avoid serious mental illnesses such as depression. In addition, extending the retirement age allows older people to be financially independent. Since old workers have regular income, they feel more empowered and they save more money for emergencies. As a matter of fact, studies suggest that late retirement could increase retirement income to almost 10%, making them economically self-sustainable even when they leave work. Therefore, delayed retirement enables older workers to be financially secure and healthier. In conclusion, although retiring late poses some disadvantageous effects on old people’s health and on the labor force, it seems to me that the benefits of late retirement far outweigh the drawbacks. Even though there are some limitations to delayed retirement, it cannot be denied that working past retirement age can help older workers to have financial security and encourage them to stay healthy.
As the healthcare sector
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
, life expectancy is getting longer. This encourages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries to extend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may consider this as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development, I believe that the advantages are greater.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, delaying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and society. One argument
commonly
put forward is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
employees may develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health issues, which can have a damaging effect on their performance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of deteriorating physical condition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
may have difficulty fulfilling their duties,
especially
those which require more time and effort.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries with a
rapidly
aging population,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as mental and physical capacity has decreased. Another point to consider is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delayed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
might have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on youth employment since there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited job vacancies for younger applicants.
Hence
, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
may worsen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
self-efficacy and economy.

Despite the arguments mentioned above, I contend that prolonged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
has more advantages. Contrary to the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delayed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
worsens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of social engagement. As senior citizens are more
socially
engaged at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they do not feel isolated and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them avoid serious mental illnesses such as depression.
In addition
, extending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be
financially
independent. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
have regular income, they feel more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
empowered and
they save more money for emergencies. As a matter of fact, studies suggest that late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
could increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
income to almost 10%, making them
economically
self-sustainable even when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delayed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to be
financially
secure and healthier.

In conclusion
, although retiring late poses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantageous effects on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health and on the labor force, it seems to me that the benefits of late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
far outweigh the drawbacks.
Even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
limitations to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delayed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
, it cannot
be denied
that working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to have financial security and encourage them to stay healthy.
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IELTS essay In some countries, the retirement age has been delayed so older people can continue working. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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