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describe a musuem you visited

describe a musuem you visited R2MRG
A few weeks ago, I went to the Vietnamese Museum of Ethnology with my friends from high school. It was an educational trip arranged by the school management board which is a biennial event for all grades at school. The Museum of Ethnology is located in Ha Noi but a bit of a drive from the city centre. It is widely considered one of the finest modern museums in Vietnam. It offers insights into the 54 ethnic groups in Vietnam in an effort to preserve their cultural heritage and promote socio¬cultural diversity and understanding within the country. I remember seeing a lot of artefacts, slides, photographs, audiotapes and videotapes displayed around the museum. In my opinion, the Museum successfully shows the daily lives of these groups together with the different religious rituals and symbolic festivals. All of the displays complement and support one another to create a colourful and diversified picture of Vietnamese culture. There are both indoor and outdoor sections to the museum. The indoor collection occupies the majority of the exhibition space and well illustrates a number of ethnic groups such as Kinh, Muong, Tay, Thai, Cham, Hoa, and Khmer. For the outdoor part, in the museum’s spacious and peaceful ground there are ethnic houses from various regions of Vietnam. People from each tribe were invited to Hanoi to build replicas of their traditional houses. I think that the outdoor section is very captivating to most tourists not only for the cultural values but also for its natural landscape. Walking around this area makes me feel like I was in a beautiful wild park, which is very relaxing and comfortable
A few weeks ago, I went to the Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
of Ethnology with my friends from high school. It was an educational trip arranged by the school management board which is a biennial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
for all grades at school.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
of Ethnology
is located
in Ha
Possible spelling mistake found.
Noi
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a bit of a drive from the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. It is
widely
considered one of the finest modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in Vietnam. It offers insights into the 54 ethnic groups in Vietnam in an effort to preserve their cultural heritage and promote
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio¬cultural
diversity and understanding within the country.

I remember seeing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
, slides, photographs, audiotapes and videotapes displayed around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
successfully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of these groups together with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
religious rituals and symbolic festivals.
Consider using "all the".
All of the
displays complement and support one another to create a
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
and diversified picture of Vietnamese culture.

There are both indoor and outdoor sections to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. The indoor collection occupies the majority of the exhibition space and well illustrates a number of ethnic groups such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kinh
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Muong
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tay
, Thai,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cham
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hoa
, and Khmer. For the outdoor part, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum’s
spacious and peaceful ground there are ethnic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
from various regions of Vietnam.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
from each tribe
were invited
to Hanoi to build replicas of their traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the outdoor section is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
captivating to most tourists not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the cultural values
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for its natural landscape. Walking around this area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me feel like I was in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
wild park, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
relaxing and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
comfortable
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IELTS essay describe a musuem you visited

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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