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In some countries the population is ageing and the birth rate is declining. How will this affect society and how can it be prevented? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In some countries the population is ageing and the birth rate is declining. How will this affect society and how can it be prevented? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. qkJpD
Recently, regard to the vast changes in the world elderly population are high. On the contrary, birth rate has been declining considerably thus, it could be a problem for the future that needs an immediate action. First and foremost, it should be mentioned that generally, nowadays people are more wealthier than past generations but due to economic problems and higher living expectations, nuclear families are more favourable choice for the people. In the future, the results could be devastating. Work forces are low and tired thus, financial problems would be high and it could be a burden on society members. regarding the elderly population, needs for healthcare system and other fundamental needs, would be more as well. It is an actual fact that one predator of a productive nation, are the young population of them, as a result the rate of improvements like economic or technology would decrease considerably. To tackle the problem, not only the governments but also individuals have to change their attitude. Governments with the use of social media or allocation of special budgets to young couples, should try to persuade them also society members need to think about the impact of their actions on the future generations. Another possible solution for some developed countries, would be rooted in immigration as a short-term solution. In this way they can tempt other developing countries people with sufficient income, reasonable jobs and permanent residency to reduce their problems and balance the birth/ mortality rate. To sum up, although the roots and reasons are clear and there are temporary answers for the nations, tackling this problem need an interaction between individuals and governments because we live not only for ourselves, but also for the future generations.
Recently, regard to the vast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the world elderly population are high.
On the contrary
, birth rate has been declining
considerably
thus
, it could be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
an immediate action.

First
and foremost, it should
be mentioned
that
generally
, nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
Use only "wealthier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more wealthier
than past generations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and higher living expectations, nuclear families are more
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
choice for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, the results could be devastating. Work forces are low and tired
thus
, financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
would be high and it could be a burden on society members.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
regarding
the elderly population,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
for healthcare system and other fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
, would be more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
well. It is an actual fact that one predator of a productive nation, are the young population of them,
as a result
the rate of improvements like economic or technology would decrease
considerably
.

To tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their attitude.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of social media or allocation of special budgets to young couples, should try to persuade them
also
society members
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the impact of their actions on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
generations. Another possible solution for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, would
be rooted
in immigration as a short-term solution. In this way they can tempt other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with sufficient income, reasonable jobs and permanent residency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and balance the birth/ mortality rate.

To sum up, although the roots and reasons are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
and there are temporary answers for the nations, tackling this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
an interaction between individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for ourselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
generations.
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IELTS essay In some countries the population is ageing and the birth rate is declining. How will this affect society and how can it be prevented? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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