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In some countries the average worker is obliged to retire at the age of 50, while in others is obliged to retire when they are 65 or 70. Until what age do you think people should be encourage to remain at work?

In some countries the average worker is obliged to retire at the age of 50, while in others is obliged to retire when they are 65 or 70. Until what age do you think people should be encourage to remain at work? OoLM
It is a true fact in the modern world, people are able to retire once they reach at a certain age. In this case, whether citizens should be allowed to retire when they are 50 or 65 is a matter of discussion. However, before outlining a reasonable conclusion, this essay will examine both sides of the argument. There is a variety of factors which prove that the government should allow elderly people to retire solely when they turn 65 or 70. First and foremost, physical and mental health could be a significant reason to be considered. It is generally believed that, if an elderly person keeps working until late age, it will positively reflect on his or her health. The fact can be demonstrated by various job research agencies from various countries which proved that working for a long period of time assists with prolonging life. Moreover, less financial burden on the government may be another factor to take into account. Therefore, it is apparent why men and women should only retire after they reach 65 or more. Despite the factors discussed above in regard to people retiring at a later age, an early retirement at 50 years of age cannot be ignored. Family support can be a noteworthy aspect. It may be defined as an early retirement of employment can contribute to a better atmosphere in the family due to more time spent with beloved ones. Furthermore, ability to discover the world more can be an imperative argument. In conclusion, indeed, there are some positive points of why it is better to retire at a reasonable early age; however, as far as I am concerned, it is still better to retire after 65 years of age due to the reasons mentioned before.
It is a true fact in the modern world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
once they reach at a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
In this case
, whether citizens should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
when they are 50 or 65 is a matter of discussion.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
outlining a reasonable conclusion, this essay will examine both sides of the argument.

There is a variety of factors which prove that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
solely
when they turn 65 or 70.
First
and foremost, physical and mental health could be a significant reason to
be considered
. It is
generally
believed that, if an elderly person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
working until late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, it will
positively
reflect on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
health. The fact can
be demonstrated
by various job research agencies from various countries which proved that working for a long period of time assists with prolonging life.
Moreover
, less financial burden on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
may be another factor to take into account.
Therefore
, it is apparent why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
after they reach 65 or more.

Despite the factors discussed above in regard to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
retiring at a later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, an early retirement at 50 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. Family support can be a noteworthy aspect. It may
be defined
as an early retirement of employment can contribute to a better atmosphere in the family due to more time spent with beloved ones.
Furthermore
, ability to discover the world more can be an imperative argument.

In conclusion
,
indeed
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points of why it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
at a reasonable early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
;
however
, as far as I
am concerned
, it is
still
better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
after 65 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
due to the reasons mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

IELTS essay In some countries the average worker is obliged to retire at the age of 50, while in others is obliged to retire when they are 65 or 70. Until what age do you think people should be encourage to remain at work?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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